False Self: Confessions of A Teenage Girl
by Nicole Lo
Summary: Insecurities ... we all have them, but some can cover it up better than others. Like Claire. Her life seems flawless ... until Lizzie and Miranda become apart of her world. Even they become like Kate. When will the madness end? Will Claire ever escape?
1. Chapter One: These Things I'll Never Say

**False Self: Confessions of a Teenage Girl**

Disclaimer: I am in no way connected to the production of Lizzie McGuire.

Summary: Claire ... Kate's sidekick, but there's more than meets the eye. A look into the vicious "social pyramid" in high school and how even the most innocent (Miranda and Lizzie) can get caught in the trap.

**A/N: I absolutely love writing about background and minority characters, so here's another one. Hit me with a review once you've read it. Kisses! -Niki**

Prologue

Claire

Popularity. Girls and guys alike spend their whole lives trying to make the cross-over into my world, into the place where everyone loves you and no one questions you. Perfection. That's a requirement for the popular. If you're ugly, fat, too pale, too dark, too natural, or too extreme in any way you're out.

I guess you can say that I was lucky in that sense, born into it. A baby adorned with beautiful gifts and constant words of praise. I was told that I deserved the best, that I was the best. I was loved. Things change.

Not to say that my infamous name drifted away, but rather the soft soul that lay inside. But after you lose all your family in a freak car accident you get use to pretending in order to hide the pain. It makes it harder, but it soothes you at the same time.

Popular, pretty people have no real feelings. We're all just a bunch of plastic Barbie dolls looking to "shit on the little people" on our way to the top. Bull shit. As corny as it sounds, I cried just as much as the next person did when Jack died at the end of Titanic. But, some teeny bopper multi-million blockbuster love story wasn't the worst of my problems. Reality was.

Death is like this big thick poison that lurks around, waiting and stalking you, taking away the people you love. Hardening you and preping you for a world that just doesn't give a damn about your problems.

My foster family tried to understand what I was going through, but how could they? They had no conception of what it was to lose your perfect world, a happy family. My constant sadness and depression became too much for them. I was only nine years old, but even at that tender age I knew what it meant to suffer.

I was sent back to the orphanage, with no known family. That was just a cover. I had plenty of "family" members, but none who cared enough to welcome a withdrawn nine-year-old into their homes.

Then, magically almost, a cousin from my mother's side of the family appeared. I thought my luck had began to change and I was happy for a while. They seemed like nice people, but they weren't my family, a voice told me. I tried to limit my sadness, hold back my pain.

I knew they wouldn't understand. I pretended to be happy and carefree like a child my age should be so they wouldn't send me back. The only thing worse than a fake play family was no family at all.

I knew being "happy" was the only way to survive in this world. Instead of being sad, I lashed out. When I wanted to cry, I screamed. When I wanted to die I made someone else want to die ... and so it began.

**Chapter One: These Things I'll Never Say**

"What do you think of this shade?" Kate asked, applying a light pink shade of lip gloss to her lips. It looked like all the others to me, but I knew if I wanted to stay on good terms with her, I would hold my tongue. "What about this one?" She had already moved onto the reddish color.

"It would look better one me." I answered, holding it up to my skin and gloating at Kate's glare. Being a black girl in the crew had its advantages. Unlike Kate, my skin color didn't just wear off. I didn't have to spray tan or any of that.

"What are you saying?" Kate challenged as I shrugged holding back a smile that said I knew something she didn't. "Claire..."

I continued the game, looking around the store. My eyes landed on the two girls we hated the most--Lizzie McGuire and Miranda Sanchez. These girls would always want to be us, but would never be.

"Geek alert," I said, smirking. The clueless duo waltzed into the store, apparently in a good mood. This was the exact time for us to strike. When they were in a good mood, it felt good to bring them down ...

I loved knowing that I wasn't the only one who was suffering, but then again their pain only lasted for an instant. Mine burned through my skin and formed boils that wouldn't go away, leaving me with scar tissue upon scar tissue.

"Why do they have to be here?" Kate slipped the both the pink and red lip gloss into her purse without the sales lady noticing. She was too busy greeting her new customers and Kate was too experienced to be caught.

"Fancy meeting you here." I commented as they walked by us. I could tell that they were trying to avoid us. "It's funny how so much _trash _can find it's way in such a classy mall."

"Oh. H- hi Claire. Hey Kate." Lizzie responded casually as if we were her friends, ignoring my insult. She was so spineless it almost made my burns unnecessary. I could embarrass her without even trying.

"Oh h-h-h- hi guys." Kate mocked her as I started to giggle. Lizzie's face turned red as Ethan began to approach. Perfect timing.

"Leave her alone." Miranda demanded, placing her hands on her hips like she was something. She wasn't nothing and I was about to tell her that when Ethan started talking.

"Come on guys." Ethan began. "We've got better things to do?" He didn't seem sure of his last statement.

"And what are you going to do about it? You're nothing but a freakish loser." Kate got in Miranda's face, completely ignoring Ethan's idiotic comment. He was going to get it later.

"We're not at school." Miranda put her hand on her hip. "You have no power here." Silly girl, I wanted to say, we have power everywhere. But, I let Kate handle this one.

"Sure ... you're right." Kate backed down. Lizzie gave her an odd look.

"We are?"

"Of course we are." Miranda nudged her. We continued walking around the store Kate keeping a close look on the two girls.

"Come on guys." Ethan complained again.

"Look. Go wait outside. Give us five minutes." Kate mumbled. It took less than sixty seconds for Kate's plan to go into action. Lizzie and Miranda were at the check-out counter, still glowing over the fact that they told Kate off. As they waited in line, Kate casually slipped an Aaron Carter CD in Lizzie's bag and a Justin Timberlake T-Shirt in Miranda's.

"That'll show them." I mumbled as soon as we were out of the store.

"Are you ready?" Ethan stood up now joined by Raven, Noah, and Scott.

"Not quite." Kate replied, just as Lizzie and Miranda came out of the store. Moments later, the alarm went off and their bags were being searched. They stared at us accusingly, but my face remained solid and unchanged. "Let's go." She commanded us.

A slight smile of satisfaction spread across my face. The look of horror that crossed Lizzie's face was priceless. That would teach her to stay away ... to stay away from the popularity that she craved.

The same popularity that had torn me away from having them as friends. I shook my head. Friends? In this world, there are no such things as friends. People look after themselves and themselves only. One is the magic number.

Our newest quest complete, we all followed Kate. I kept my distance so not as to get in her way. I had learned by now how to avoid her moods. Chelsea joined our group and we were on our way. People began to stare at us ... we were a sight with four white kids, an Asian girl, and me, the token black chick.

I had learned to ignore it. In this town, people of the same persuasion stayed together. I admit it did feel weird at first, being apart of this . ..group, but certain sacrifices must be made. I rounded the corner as the guys ran into an arcade.

I knew we were going to be delayed for at least an hour, but still I left my cell phone exactly where it was. I knew my parents would worry. Calling them wasn't the cool thing to do. The cool thing would be to just hang out as long as it took. I went to join the guys as the other three girls went to get a manicure.

I walked into Ethan and Scott who were now in a deep discussion about blacks ... whether to call us "the n word" or not. Ethan disapproved of it, Scott wanted to use it, and Noah stayed out of it. He was careful too, just like me. My instants told me to lunge at Scott as soon as he said it, but I knew one wrong move and my position here would be terminated.

Then, what would I have? I was a token. I was the token black girl and I could be easily replaced. Instead of doing what I felt I just nodded and bared it. Noah is the only one that seemed to notice my level of comfort go down. Ethan and Scott didn't care.

This was their world and I just played in it. I had to play by their rules in order to get ahead. As much as it hurt to grin and bear it I did. And, I'm proud of myself for doing it ... for being strong.

(A/N: While reading someone else's Lizzie McGuire story (KT the Shimmer Skank), I was inspired to write this, but I took it a little further. This story has a lot more to offer (including shorter chapters, if that's what you want), but I'm still thinking of angles for the next chapter. I hope you see where I'm getting with this story. . . And review. -NL)


	2. Chapter Two

Chapter Two: Understood the Nature of Love Very Well

I lingered in the arcade a little longer before deciding to challenge the guys on one of the games. Video games weren't my thing, but it was either put up or shut-up and I'd already talked my junk. It turns out that I had more skills than I thought and I kicked everyone one of their asses, especially Scott's. Noah got some too, even though he tried to stay out of it.

After a few hours of playing mindless games, the girls were done getting their nails done and we were off. "Are you sure you don't want your nails done?" Chelsea offered, picking at my hand. There was a little look of disgust as she did this. "I've got daddy's credit card."

"No thanks. We've got other things to do." I answered ignoring her comment. I hated getting my nails done, pedicures . all the girlie stuff that they did. I never said anything that remotely portrayed that until now.

"Whatever." Kate rolled her eyes, trying to get the attention focused back on her. She hated sharing the spotlight, seeing that she never got the attention she craved at home. We followed her, once again to her red Eclipse. Raven and Chelsea hopped in her car, forcing me to ride in Ethan's beat-up pick-up truck, sandwiched between him and Scott. Ugh. It was already beginning.

I remember when it use to just be me, Kate, and Ethan. Now, I was forced to share my luck with three other misfits, four if you counted Noah. "Where's Noah?" Ethan wondered, the first one, besides me, to notice his absence. I shrugged, pretending not to have a clue even though I knew exactly where he was.

"Shouldn't we get going?" I asked after Kate sped off, in her car.

"Sure." Ethan replied, turning the opposite way. I didn't complain, but I really wished that I had gotten my nails done and jumped into the other car with the girls. It was too late now.

"The Digital Bean? Eww." I rolled my eyes as Ethan helped me out the car. "This was like so eighth grade Ethan." He shrugged and held the door open for me as I walked through. I waited for him to open the next door. What a gentleman-NOT. Kate and I had to train him to do that.

"Welcome to the Digital Bean," Lizzie greeted us.

"I forgot you worked here." I mumbled. I doubt she noticed my presence since she and Ethan had locked eyes the entire time. "Come on!" I yelled as she just kept staring at Ethan. She smiled, embarrassed that everyone had witnessed her pure dorkiness. "Loser." I whispered under my breath, but just loud enough for her to hear. Her face turned bright read as she handed out our menus.

I smiled, knowing that I still had power over her, even when Kate wasn't here. It was almost too easy. "What are you getting?" Scott asked Ethan. He didn't dare look at me. I had been giving him evil glares ever since I kicked his butt at the arcade. "Earth to Ethan." I waved my hand in front of his face. He continued to look past it and at a blonde figure.

"Dude, he's gone." Scott explained, laughing.

"Is there something I don't know here?" I wondered, my voice rising a bit. I hated to be left out of stuff even if it was about Ethan's latest conquest. I still deserved to know.

Lizzie came back, taking our orders. Ethan could barely spit out his words. It was utterly disgusting. Then, it hit me . Ethan wanted Lizzie. That little twirp. I began to get angry. I remember when I first moved here- I was completely in love with Ethan, but he only thought of me as a friend, or so he said. And then, Kate got him. Now, he's moving onto HER??

"What do you think about her?" Ethan asked me.

"Honestly?"

"Honestly."

"I think she's way out of your league. Ethan, we have a reputation to uphold. If you have her, then we'll have to let her geeky friends in too and then-" He cut me off.

"Kate's not here. Stop acting like she is." He demanded.

"Excuse me?"

"You've been acting like her lap dog." I kicked him from under the table.

"You've been acting weird." He shrugged.

"She's just so beautiful. I love the way her long hair brushes her face when it's windy outside ." Ethan continued to talk about how beautiful and wonderful Lizzie was, making me want to puke. Was he seeing something that I wasn't?

Lizzie returned with out shakes and Ethan blushed a little, thinking that she heard what he had been saying about her. "Lizzie!" I called, as she came back. I stood up. "I think there's something in my shake . right THERE." I lied. She looked down in the cup and I seized the moment to "accidentally spill" my strawberry shake all over her white uniform.

"Sorry." I gave her a fake sad look, trying to hold back a smile. After a while I couldn't. Scott and I burst out laughing. Many other customers turned around to see what the commotion was, and they in turn laughed as well.

"Claire, that's not cool." Ethan gave me an evil glare as he started to help Lizzie.

"Looks like you're helping them get closer." Scott whispered. I rolled my eyes and started to walk away. I got up and left, avoiding eye contact with both of them. I did have somewhere to be. I'd be a little early, so what?

"Hey Noah," I said casually after his housemaid had led me to his room. He was so grounded considering that he was apart of the richest family in the whole state. Even though he didn't fit the typical description of the "All American" boy, he still had a likable quality to him. That was something Kate despised. Anything that made you liked by everyone when she was hated by half the student body . let's just say that if he wasn't richer than her, he'd be considered a loser.

"What's up?" He asked, turning down his India Arie CD, which he insisted on blasting. I didn't understand what the big hype was with her. Wow, a black girl and a guitar. Call me intrigued. I was more of a Avril Lavinge fan myself, but then again Avril was considered cool. India Arie wasn't.

I sighed, sitting down on his bed beside him. "Do you think I'm pretty?" I asked, thoughts of Ethan and Lizzie plaguing my brain.

"No, You're beautiful." He sat up as I suddenly realized how dorky I must've sounded. No matter how hard I tried . whenever I was around Noah, when it was just he and I, I always found myself saying something that I shouldn't. I have a reputation to uphold at all times . insecurity, depression, and all other weaknesses must be hidden. "What happened?"

"Do you ever wonder why we're even doing this?" He nodded. "I'm so sick of it all- of Kate and Ethan and . everyone."

"Even me?" Noah wondered, stroking my tangled curls and trying to get me to smile.

"Everyone." He lowered his gaze and I could tell he was a little hurt. But, I had to try and keep my distance from him. I knew that. "Coming here was a bad idea." I mumbled, hopping off the bed before he could touch me again.

When he touched me I felt safe. It was the same type of feeling I felt when I had had my family. My eyes began to water thinking about them. I held it back. Tears were weak. "Claire." Noah tried to comfort me.

"No." I pushed him off. "No!" I yelled. "You do this to me every time. You make me feel things I don't wanna feel." I admitted, collapsing in his arms. His body surrounded mine, bringing warmth to my cold body. I quickly wiped my tears away before anything else could happen. I had come here . on business, though I could no longer remember why I was here. I looked up at him, forcing myself to be strong and let him go. "Do NOT tell anyone about this." I demanded, my original demeanor coming back.

"I won't." He whispered. At that moment, I wondered if he was feeling what I was . or if I was just fooling myself. "Don't you need this?" He handed me a notebook.

"What is it?"

"The notes that you needed for English class." I nodded as his hand made contact with mine. I pulled away. What was everyone going to think? A black girl with a white guy? Kate would kill me. The only way I could have him would be if she okayed it, or if she had him first.

"Claire!" He called after me.

"What?" I snapped at him.

"Nothing." Noah sighed, looking away. At that exact moment, I remembered why I kept coming back. Noah treated me like a person. I wasn't the icebox around him. For goodness sake, (not that I'm all that good), he said I was beautiful. I constrained from turning around and doing something that would only put us in deeper shit than we would be if Kate knew.

"What are you doing here?" Kate asked me as I walked out of Noah's front door. Stupid, stupid me. I always took the back door to avoid shit like this.

"I had to get English notes." Kate didn't seem to believe me.

"I had them."

"Well, you've been off doing God knows what with God knows who." I explained. "Other than you, you know Noah is the only one who takes notes in class." I finished, referring to the rest of the group.

"Is that all?" I nodded. "That better be all." Kate brushed past me. She had a tendency to get catty when the guy she was aiming for had girls that were his friends.

"I don't want him. You can have him." I lied.

"What gives you the right to tell me who I can and cannot have! I made you Claire. I molded you into divette, second-in-command." (meaning that Kate was the diva)

"I know." I rolled my eyes. I was getting fed up with this holier than though bull shit. "Don't fucking kid yourself. You can have Noah. I don't give a shit . Why are we fighting over him anyway?" I smiled. She returned the smile.

"You're right. He's only helping me study anyway." Kate gave me an evil grin. I knew what she meant by "studying." I walked on and she walked on. Tramp. "Oh, and Claire!" She called out. "We need someone to replace Chelsea." Kate gave me an evil smile. I thought Chelsea was her new "friend." She, like I was a token. I wondered what she did to piss Kate off. Oh well.

(A/N: What do you think? I had to add in all the cursing to keep it at it's PG-13 rating. Anyway, I would like to thank KT the Shimmer Skank for writing her story "Less Than Beautiful." If she didn't write that story, this story might not have ever existed. –NL)


	3. Chapter Three

Chapter Three: It Makes Me So Crazy I Want To Swallow the Moon

"Did you actually throw your milkshake on McGuire?" Kate asked, intrigued as we lay on towels in her back yard. There was barely any sun out, after all it was the middle of September, but Kate insisted on us being out here. It was just me and her, like it use to be.

"She deserved it." I answered, smirking.

"The only thing is ." I let my voice trailed off. I wasn't sure if I should tell her than Ethan was crushing on her, big-time.

"What is it Claire?"

"Nothing," I lied. Kate sat up and snapped her head to the side towards me. Lowering her sunglasses she said,

"You're lying."

"Its kid's stuff. You wouldn't be interested." I tried to cover my ass, and then continued to flip through the latest edition of Seventeen, which had India Arie on it.

"Do not tell me what you think I don't want to know. Tell me!" Kate screamed, loosing her temper. I opened my mouth to say something, but shut it again.

"Don't turn around." I told Kate, but of course she turned anyway. There was her brother, Zach and a couple of his senior friends. Kate gave them a seductive grin. I followed her lead even though Zach's friends disgusted me. One of them had a chiseled stomach, until I noticed his slight beer-belly.

"What are you doing here?" I demanded from Zach.

"Yeah. We had a deal." Kate walked over to the guys, swaying her hips the whole way. She looked at the other two guys.

"Who are these geeks?"

"No Kate." Zach walked past her. The guy with a military haircut followed him. The one with the beer-belly lingered, Kate making sure to slap his butt, which I might add was non-existent.

It didn't take Kate long to forget about what I was "suppose to be" telling her. She chased after Justin (the guy with the beer-belly) all afternoon. First, she took a quick dip in the pool, going for the "wet" look, which I taught her. Her pink bikini, which gave off flecks of green and blue fit her in all the right places.

I looked down at my lack in almost everything and felt a little jealous. The plan worked . a little too easily if you ask me. Justin was so infatuated with her that she didn't have to try anymore tricks. And that's when Kate began to fall apart. The two of them were like cats in heat. It was disgusting. If Justin was sucking on her neck, Kate was sucking on something else. Not to mention his addiction on marijuana. He reeked of it and soon, so did Kate.

People began to talk when Kate came to school one day wearing the exact same outfit that she had the day before. She looked like shit, literally, and I was the one that helped cleaned her up. Raven stayed out of it and Chelsea joined in and made up rumors about her, which actually turned out to be true.

"Kate." I whispered to her. I could tell she was upset. Justin was moving away and her reputation was changing from the Polaroid of perfection to the number one whore in the entire school.

"Did I really act like this?" I nodded, as she tossed the pictures on the ground.

"Claire, we've gotta fix this."

"I know. And, I was thinking about what you said a couple of months back." I explained.

"Which was?" Kate snapped at me. I knew that after I left she would either throw a temper tantrum or cry an ocean-all for that stupid little jackass.

"Replacing Chelsea of course." Her eyes lit up a little and then dimmed.

"I don't know. Chelsea's been really nice to me."

"Nice? Since when do you give a damn about people being nice to you? That little heifer was the main one spreading rumors about you. She's the one that brought you down." I explained. Kate's green eyes narrowed.

"How are we going to get her back?"

"I have a plan." I told her. We spent a couple of hours going over details.

"That little bitch will wish that she never messed with us." Kate grinned.

"Kate and Justin broke up." I told Chelsea matter-of-factly. Her eyes widened and then went back to their normal size.

"That's a shock." Raven added. "They were complete into each other."

"I bet he dumped her." Chelsea said. I grinned, making her think that I was on her side, but I was really getting sick of this chick. Who did she think she was? She was nothing before I decided to invite her into the group, which was bad judgment on my part. Who knew that she'd become so power-hungry.

"She's probably pregnant too." Chelsea added.

"Who's pregnant?" Kate wondered, walking into the girls' bathroom. I made room for her in the mirror and Chelsea got pushed off to the side.

"So, are you guys coming over on Friday night or what?" Kate asked, applying cherry balm lip gloss with a scent that filled the whole bathroom.

"I don't know ." Raven answered, as I elbowed her. "Claire." Raven had smeared mascara all over her right eye. We all stopped and took a moment to laugh at her as she took out a make-up remover sheet and started all over.

"I'll be there on Friday. Are you bringing the guys too?" Kate nodded. "What guys?" Chelsea suddenly became interested.

"Come and you'll see." I walked off, Raven following. That left just Kate and Chelsea. I was kind of afraid that Kate might loose her cool and start pulling hair, but this plan was just too good to be ruined. I grinned. Ha.

"So, who's gonna replace Chelsea?" Scott asked looking from me, to Kat, to Ethan, and everyone else sitting at the table.

"Is this gonna take long?" Ethan wondered. He had just finished another hot-dog.

"The more you interrupt, the longer it'll take." I tossed him a bag of Lays, which he instantly started to devour.

"I think it should be Enid." Raven told us.

"Eww. With a name like that ." Kate began. "But, she's nice." Raven argued.

"But can we make her cool? That's the question." I added. I could feel Noah's eyes boring into me as I said those words.

"I don't think so." Ethan said all of a sudden. I don't think he was talking about Enid though. "What do YOU think then Ethan?" Kate wondered. I looked around, wishing that she hadn't asked. His infatuation with Lizzie had grown and I had seen them holding hands. This was too much. I knew they weren't going out because Kate had to approve of everyone you dated. Everyone.

"Hmm." Ethan began.

"I can only think of one person that will be good for this." I crossed my fingered and closed my eyes, hoping that he wouldn't say Lizzie McGuire.

"Miranda Sanchez." All of us looked at Kate, to see what her reaction was.

"That farrreak? Hell no. You might as well have said Lizzie and Gordo, while you're at it."

"Well, I was going to say Lizzie ." Kate walked off before Ethan could finish his statement.

"Nice going Ethan." I rolled my eyes and followed Kate out to the patio. Any real friend would've gone after her.

"What's going on in there Claire? Has everyone lost their mind?"

I went and sat down beside her on the steps, which were a little dusty. I didn't want to ruin my favorite pair of shorts, but that's what washing machines are for.

"Lizzie? I've been hearing a lot about her lately." "She's not going to join the group. That would be like having another Noah around." I sighed. "And he's SOOOO annoying." I put on a fake valley girl voice.

"Yah." Kate joined in. We giggled and it reminded me of times when we were truly friends . of Lizzie, Miranda, Gordo, and us. Middle School had separated us into separate cliques, and naturally, I chose to be popular.

"If we brought Lizzie in ." Kate glared at me. "More people would like us-our rep. would change a little, but it might be a good thing." "But what about her two buddies. Miranda can be worked on, even though she's got that mouth. I just don't know Claire. I just don't know." Kate looked down at the grass and her eyes started to tear up. "What is it?" I asked. I hated when people got all sentimental on me.

"I'm just going through a lot." I nodded. I knew just what she meant.

(A/N: I know you want to review ... so do it!! Thanks for the support and enjoy... -NL)


	4. Chapter FouR

**Chapter Four: Far Away From Thee**

"So, party at my house?" Kate confirmed the plans that she had made earlier. I could see that she wasn't going to give Chelsea any slack.

"Yeah, whatever." Chelsea rolled her eyes.

"Did she just roll her eyes at me?" Kate mouthed to me. I nodded.

"Who's gonna be there anyway?"

"The usual." I answered.

"Eww. Those nincompoops? Never mind." Chelsea walked away, flipping her recently highlighted reddish brown hair.

"Is it just me or is she getting bitchier and bitchier?"

"It's not just you."

"So are you coming to Kate's party?" I asked Noah the second that I saw him, making sure that no one else was around.

"Why?"

"Duh. I'm gonna be there." I flipped my hair, then tugged on his arm. "Please . please."

Noah sighed and looked up. "I'll see what I can do."

"Great," I gave him a genuine smile. Things were starting to heat up and I found myself wanting to kiss him, right then and there. "Later." I unhooked my arm from his.

"What was that?" Chelsea wondered, poking out from a hidden corner.

"I don't have to explain anything to you." I stalked off.

Chelsea grabbed my arm. No this heifer did not just touch me, I thought. "Not so fast. I think Kate would interested to know this."

I shook her arm off of mine. "To hell with you."

"Ooh. Good one."

I arrived at the party in my dad's new Eclipse or whatever it was . he got a new one every month it seemed. Of course, my brother got to drive it, not me. He got everything . This car was the best because it was yellow, which is the best color. My mind drifted away from dad's car to the party. I told my parents that I was spending the night at Kate's but I knew exactly what kind of part it was-a drinking party.

Although I am one of the most feared, respected, and envied in the whole school drinking was not my thing. I had been avoiding touching alcohol for years, especially after what it did to Kate. The best I could do was pull out a ciggie every now and then, and that was only to prove that I wasn't a dork-in-training. I walked into Kate's house. The door was wide open and the music was already pumping.

"Hey! You came." Kate gave me a huge hug and I could smell that she was a little intoxicated.

"Yeah." I gave a fake, enthusiastic grin.

"Come in."

"Is everyone here," I wondered.

"Yeah." My heart sped up. This meant that Noah was here. "Except for Noah. You told him about it, right?"

"Of course." I tried to get over the fact that he wasn't there. It was hard to enjoy yourself when the main source of entertainment was alcohol. I just sat in the corner, waiting for something to happen. But, of course, Kate decided to play a game, similar to seven minutes in heaven.

I thought it was the stupidest thing I had ever heard of, but if you knew Kate like I did, you would know that she was a million times worse when she was drunk. "I say that Claire goes first." Chelsea volunteered me. I knew that that girl had something against me the first time that I met her. She was an honorary white girl. Simple as that.

"Claire ." I nodded. "Okay. Claire and Brandon." I shrugged my shoulders. Brandon was okay, a football player, just intoxicated enough for me to do maximum damage in minimum time.

Brandon and I walked down into Kate's basement. It was dark, none-the- less and I knew that they were expecting to hear something, so I let myself kiss him, getting over the fact that I wished it was Noah. I told myself that nothing was going to happen between us. This was not the way I wanted to loose my virginity, but a moan escaped his mouth and moments later it was all over with.

I had to practically drag Brandon out the basement. I knew by now, I looked like hell, but who cares? I had saved my ass one more time. I looked up to see that the video tape was rolling. Chelsea was next. She didn't know what she was in for. Daddy's little girl, the Governor's daughter behaving like that. They would never be able to live it down. I grinned, satisfied, only to notice that Noah had arrived.

He had probably been there the whole time. Chelsea snickered, rushing over to Noah, seizing her opportunity. She attempted to kiss him, but he pushed her away.

"Out the way bitch." I pushed her off and followed Noah into the hallway.

"What was that?" Noah asked, disappointed in me.

"Nothing." I pulled out a cigarette and lit it.

"Since when have you started smoking?"

"It relaxes me." I took a puff, the nicotine running through my body. Instantly, I calmed down.

"I can't believe you Claire."

"What did I do this time?" I sighed.

"You and Brandon."

"If you came earlier, it could've been you." I puffed again, trying to see what his reaction would be.

"Oh my God. Claire, you are such a ." He stopped himself.

"No, Noah. Go ahead. Be self-righteous. Tell me what I am." I demanded.

"You're just not the person I thought you were."

My eyes started to tear as I bundled up in a ball on the floor. Tonight had been the worst experience ever. I couldn't even tell Noah the truth. I had to let him think . exactly what he was thinking. "Is that all you have to say? I was with a man tonight Noah. Not a little boy." My heart ached with ever word I said. This was all for the best. It was better for him.

"Whatever Claire. Just get off the floor okay, and stop smoking." He grabbed my ciggie and put it out. I slowly got up. "They're bad for you."

"I know." I sighed. This plan wasn't working. Noah was still being so .. sweet. I hated it and loved it at the same time. "Are you going back in?" He shook his head. "Neither am I." I followed him to his car.

I pulled out another cigarette and lit it. I took a puff and then he took it from me. "Not in my car." He took a puff and threw it out the car window. "You've got bad taste."

"Whatever." I pulled down the mirror. I looked horrible. My hair was everywhere. "Why didn't anyone tell me that I looked this terrible."

"'Cause you don't." Noah smiled at me.

"Would you cut the crap? Stop being so nice all the time. It's annoying." I took my hair down and started to comb it.

"Your hair is beautiful." Noah whispered, ever so slightly.

"My hair looks horrible." I flipped on the radio, only to hear "I Will Love Again" By Lara Fabian. "What the hell." I said. This song was out years ago and I hadn't heard it on the radio for years.

"Why'd you do it?" Noah asked after a while. "Do you . like him?"

"No hon. It was strictly business. I was obligated to."

"Oh." Shortly after, we arrived at my house. All kinds of things plagued my brain and I couldn't take it anymore.

"Thanks." I started to get out the car.

"Wait." A long pause followed as I bent down to get my purse. I was longing to kiss him. This is what we both wanted, I could feel it. At precisely the same time, Noah and I leaned in, our lips meeting.

I felt fulfilled. These were the sweetest kisses that I had ever known. I knew what real passion felt like . what true love was. "What about Brandon?" I asked, destroying the moment. I couldn't let things get out of hand. A sharp look of pain crossed Noah's face as realization hit.

"We're not together." He whispered, looking down. I lifted his chin.

"And we'll never be." I rushed out of the car and into the house. Even though he hated me, he waited until I opened the door to drive away and yell "fuck." I never heard Noah say anything like that and to tell the truth, I felt like shit.

"You're in kinda late." Mom said, walking over to me.

"It was a sleep-over, but I didn't want to stay okay."

"That's fine." Mom stroked my face and I knew what was coming next.

"Is dad home?" She backed away suddenly. He was the only one who could protect me from her.

"Go upstairs." She demanded, angrily.

"Gladly." I mumbled, crying the moment my head hit the pillow. I was sure that my heart broke at that exact moment.

(A/N: Whoa. This was sad, huh? Well, not really. Anyway, you guys can thank "Little Darlings" -made in 1980, for this update and the inspiration to write the next to chapters. It's a really good movie with Matt Damon and that girl . Hope you enjoyed. I think "Less Than Beautiful" is by KTtheShimmerSkank. R/R -Nicole Lopez)


	5. Chapter Five

**Chapter Five: It's On**

It took all weekend and Monday through Wednesday to recover from that terrible night. But, it was Thursday now and I knew that everything was going to go my way. This day couldn't been any more perfect than it already was. I made sure that I had my hair down, since Noah liked it so much and wore a yellow camisole with matching peddle pushers, or whatever you call them.

Chelsea was no longer around and our local TV station issued a special report on her. It seems that Kate conveniently left the tape on her dad's desk and it somehow got to the papers. Lets just say that little miss "queen of the world" won't be around here anymore. I smiled to myself.

Walking down the hallway, I knew that everyone was looking at me. I could feel it. It was something that I hadn't noticed/felt in a while. I grinned, approaching my locker. Maybe they don't hate me as much as I thought they did. I took my Spanish 3 book and Human Geography book out my locker. I turned around, looking for Noah. I wish I hadn't.

My heart stopped as I saw Miranda hovering over Noah. I knew that it was over. Pretending as if my pride wasn't hurt, I continued to walk down the hallway stone-faced, looking straight, but something called me back.

"Claire!" Noah waved at me desperately.

"Oh, hi." I exclaimed, putting on a happy face. "You didn't tell me about this." I gestured, pointing from him to Miranda. "Slut." I mumbled, making sure that no one heard me. Noah took me aside.

"Have you lost your mind?! The plan was to befriend her, not date her." I shouted, a little too loudly.

"It just kinda happened." Noah shrugged. "We started off as friends . why do you care so much anyway, you seemed like you were having fun with Jimmy last night."

"Brandon."

"Whatever."

"Anyway, as if! Brandon's scum. Don't you know anything? It was planned that way." I crossed my arms, growing bored of this conversation.

"So what do you want me to do?" Noah asked.

"Dump her. Here. Right now. She doesn't deserve to be apart of our group," I said matter-of-factly.

"Our group? Claire, you might as well said that she doesn't deserve to breathe the same air as you."

"That too." I snickered.

Noah paused. "Don't you get it? You are so self-centered." I started to walk away. I didn't have time for his bull shit. Noah grabbed my arm. "I like Miranda, okay?"

"And? It's not okay- you liked me too, remember . that's okay. Two can play that game." I stalked off. "Later, loser!" I called back behind me.

"Why didn't you tell me that Miranda and Noah, of all people, were dating?" I whispered to Kate, completely pissed off.

"I thought you knew."

"You thought wrong."

"Watch your tone." Kate told me. I calmed a little. "Chill. She's just the flavor of the week, you know new 'money' so to speak . wait a minute. There's something going on, isn't there?"

"That's what I'm trying to figure out."

"No. You and Noah."

"No. I despise him--"

"Especially after this, huh?" Kate was catching onto me.

"Yeah, I mean it's bad enough that Lizzie is no longer a target, but now Miranda too. We should've kept them separated." I explained.

"Claire."

"Now we're one ."

"Claire." Kate gritted her teeth.

". heavy"

"Claire!" Kate yelled. Everyone stopped to see what was going on.

Sorry. Go back to whatever you were doing." "Claire," she whispered again.

"What?"

"I know the truth. You and Noah had a thing . until Miranda came along."

"No." I lied.

"Let me finish. Miranda took Noah. I okayed it. You wanna know why?"

"Go ahead. There's no stopping you now." I pretended like I didn't want to know. I was dying to know what Miranda had that I didn't.

"I've already had him. Noah's all used up." I narrowed my eyes and Kate gave me a satisfied look.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"So, you could go out with him?" She pried.

"I don't like him--"

"Anymore, that is. You with Noah. A black girl with a white dude . you wish hon. Not in this universe."

"Miranda's Latina." I pointed out. "And we're almost the same complexion." I added.

"Miranda can pass. You can't. And for all intensive purposes, she's one of us." Kate explained, really cookin' my grits. I wanted to pounce on her and pull every strand of her fake blonde hair from her head. I was the one who was there for her when she was falling apart and now . "Kate."

"Ta-ta." She turned back around, ignoring me.

"Kate!" I yelled, but she had grabbed her things and rushed out the classroom.

I lay my head on the desk, hoping that this was a nightmare. I had completely missed the whole Spanish class talking to Kate and now there was no way I was going to get to my next class on time. Not that it mattered anyway. Noah was gonna be there - and Miranda.

"Ah. Senorita. La persona yo queria a ver." Ms. Munoz said in Spanish.

"Huh?" I was in no mood to translate anything.

"We're going to have a lot of new foreign exchange students coming in tomorrow."

"And?" I asked, annoyed.

"You're going to show one of them around."

"Why me?"

"Random drawing. This is his information and he'll be in the front office, waiting for you." Ms. Munoz handed me a folder. I barely skimmed through it, but already I could tell that this guy was a geek. Great. Just want I needed. The icing that tops the cake.

However nauseated I was, couldn't prepare me for Noah and Miranda in our fourth period class. Luckily, I had missed a substantial amount of class. The only thing left was cheerleading practice. The big rival game was going to be tomorrow and I knew that we were gonna win, which meant that I would have to attend another one of those mindless jock parties.

The whole school must've known about me and Noah or lack there of. I played it off well though. Instead of falling on my ass during practice, I make sure that I was on top of my game. Even Kate was a little jealous when I pulled of my round-off, back-handspring, back tuck into a full. After it was over, the boyfriends came, or the girlfriends - Lizzie and Miranda. I made sure to leave before I had to see them together.

"Hey Claire." I ran into Noah anyway.

"What's up?" I asked, trying not to let my eyes tear up. Even though he was a little sweaty he was still so beautiful.

"Nothing. I saw you at practice."

"Wow. Interesting." I started to walk away because I knew something was coming up, something that would make my broken heart melt.

"You're the best you know."

"Thanks. I have Noah's approval." I pulled out a ciggie, only to remember that I was on school property.

He took it from me. "What are you trying to prove? Are you happy now?"

"Very." Noah lied, looking away from me. "You look good." He mumbled, walking away.

"You look like shit." I falsified, trying to bring him down and make him feel what I was feeling.

"I'm sorry Claire." Noah turned around. He walked into the gym and into Miranda's arms. I'm sure that she gave him that kiss just because she knew I was looking. Either way, he returned it, which made it hurt even more.

"Claire! Claire!" My little sister ran up to me and jumped into my arms. She was so excited to see me. I didn't think girl's that age acted like that, but then again, she was only twelve.

"Hey Savannah." I mumbled, faking enthusiasm. How could I be happy when I knew that Noah and Miranda were and item? How could I find an ounce of happiness within my body.

She knocked my book-bag over, revealing the folder of that student I was suppose to show around. Yeah right. No chance in hell I was gonna put myself through that.

(A/N: I told you "Little Darlings" was a good movie. I still have inspiration to write one more, but I am a little hungry. On a happy note, I wrote both of those in one day. Make sure to r/r even if you don't like it. -NL)


	6. Chapter Six

**Chapter Six: Two Can Play That Game**

"Claire! Claire, there you are." Ms. Munoz caught up with me the next morning. I tried to walk faster and pretend like I didn't see her, but I ended up bumping into someone who was going the other way.

"Watch it!" I yelled as both of our stuff scattered all over.

"Bueno trabajo." He muttered under his breath, neglecting to pick up any of my stuff.

"Hello, you bumped into me which means that you should be helping me pick up my stuff, NOT your own." I explained, rolling me eyes. It was bad enough that my stuff fell everywhere, in front of everyone, but I was wearing my purple miniskirt in hopes of winning back Noah. Wait, did I just say win.

"Mira chica, you bumped into me okay?"

"So you speak English . that's good-"

"Claire! I've been looking all over for you. Here's your file." Ms. Munoz exclaimed happily.

"But I've already found him." I motioned towards the guy that had bumped into me.

"Oh no dear that's not him. You're suppose to be Carlos's guide."

"He looks like a Carlos to me." I mumbled, not liking where this was headed.

"Nope." She took the folder and opened it up. "This is Carlos." I had to hold back a scream as the whole world stood still.

"Ms. Munoz. This is not going to work." Carlos was a total freak . no herb, with glasses and pimples everywhere . and God that plaid shirt.

"Sorry. You're going to have to make it work." She smiled and walked off.

"Great. Thanks a lot whoever you are. If you had just NOT bumped into me I wouldn't be stuck with this dork. Thanks a lot." As I continued to gather up my things he smirked and I could've sworn that he checked me out. "I'd appreciated if you kept your beady little eyes to yourself."

"Carlos is coming." The guy commented, checking me out. I didn't know if he was lying or not, but being around him was equally disconcerting.

"Look, I'd really appreciate it if you kept your grimy eyes to yourself. Comprende?" I stalked off, hoping to lose this guy. He wasn't as herbish and completely disgusting as Carlos, but he had a Noah-like flair to him. Let's just say that Noah was the last person I wanted to see or think about.

"You need me." The guy explained, still following me. I slowed down.

"Like hell I do. Listen hon, run along-"

"You'd rather have to take Carlos around . cool." He smiled, revealing two very deep dimples. "I'll just go and find Miranda . Sanchez." He looked down at the paper he had been holding.

"No. Don't." I closed my eyes for a moment not believing what I was about to do. "What do I have to do?"

"Are you Francisco?" Miranda waltzed up to me and my new "exchange student."

"Yeah, he is. What do you want?" I jumped in.

"Well, I'm suppose to be showing him around and stuff . I've been looking all over for you." She directed her attention back to Francisco.

"I'm with Claire." He explained.

"But . I thought."

"You thought wrong hon. Carlos is your exchange student." I threw the folder at her as the papers from inside flew all over the floors. "Oopsies?" I gave a fake sympathetic look, trying not to smile.

Miranda bent down to pick up the papers. As she did, her shirt came up a little, revealing her stomach and her back. To my surprise, she wasn't flabby and stuck on that "baby fat" stage like Lizzie was. Francisco seemed to notice it to.

"Miranda." I began, sweetly.

"You might wanna pull down that shirt . all your rolls are hanging out." She looked mortified. "Don't worry. Just cut back on all those cheeseburgers and you'll be fine." I grinned as Francisco looked back at me in disbelief.

"Just because you lost Noah . it doesn't give you a right to be bitter." She mumbled under her breath.

"If I had someone else's leftovers, I wouldn't be bragging about it. You know, Kate's already been there and done that- twice already." I stopped to see the look on Miranda's face. "Oops. You're feelings are hurt. Take it all bitch."

I have to admit to myself and only to myself that Miranda was right. I was extremely bitter, angry and . jealous- no never that one. She didn't realize it, but she could easily overthrow Kate and I. With Noah by her side, she was strong and powerful. Without him, she'd be a weak duckling. That's all I had to do- break them up. And I had just the person to help me achieve that. I smiled at Francisco. He was kinda cute in that "just got off the boat" way. I know why he chose me over Miranda. I am a challenge, untouched. If he played his cads right, he might just get something out of this deal.

"So guys, there's a party tonight after the game." Kate told the whole squad. Funny. She never mentioned anything like this to me. I was usually the first to know. Kate and I were known for throwing the best parties and now I was getting left out of it. What was her deal?

"Aren't we doing something for the tailgating thing?" Lizzie asked, while I kept silent. I didn't like the fact that Kate had been completely ignoring my existence all day.

"Yes. But there's going to be one at my house after the football game, which we'll win." Kate grinned. "And you're all invited. You can bring a friend . athletes only and chess doesn't count as a sport." She added, looking at me.

"Anything else?" I wondered growing really agitated. What, no who did Kate think she was? No one outkasted me like that and got away with it. "We should get started so that we can blow those dolphins out of the water! We have to have the best half-time show." I covered going into full Bring It On mode.

"Yeah. Claire is totally right." Sugani chimed in. She was the latest addition to the squad. She was a good tumbler, almost as good as me, but that didn't matter. Kate had already given two spots to Miranda and Lizzie and Sugani was left to be an alternate. Figures.

"Okay then. Let's go." Kate responded as we all took our positions for our warm-up routine.

"You covered for me?"

"I saved your butt.. Kate was gonna tear you apart." Sugani replied.

"That's what you think." I mumbled, taking my place in the front. It was my turn to lead the warm-up routine. No sooner had we finished the routine and started our dance did the football players show up.

"Well, well, what do we have here!" Ethan yelled. Lizzie giggled, happy to see her boyfriend.

"This is a closed practice." I commented, noticing Noah's presence.

"Says who?" Francisco challenged me. I walked up to him.

"Since when are you on the team?"

"Since today."

"Can't you just go away?" I mumbled. I knew everyone was looking my direction. I could just feel their eyes burning into my back. Kate especially.

"No can do." Ethan interrupted.

"Great." I mumbled. "Kate. Come fix this." I narrowed my eyes at Ethan, careful not to give Noah the satisfaction of another glance.

"Have you completely lost your mind? When do you get off talking to me like that?" She replied, fire in her eyes.

"What's gotten into you, or whom should I ask?" I snapped back.

"Look. Don't bother showing up tonight at my house." Kate demanded.

"I'm invited. I have to make an appearance." I responded.

"Show up and you'll regret it. What you did to Miranda today was totally uncalled for. You are so gonna pay of that. Ta-ta." Kate grinned at me and bounced off to go flirt with the football players. I know that she had her eye on Francisco, no matter how she'd deny it. But, he was so mine.

"You okay?" Noah asked me, catching me completely off guard.

"Shouldn't you be hanging with your girlfriend? She's waiting for you."

"Why can't you guys get along? You both mean a lot to me and ." Noah touched my shoulder. I shrugged it off.

"Don't. I don't know what you've got planned, but it's not happening. How can I befriend someone who decided to start going out with the guy I had a fender bender for?" I asked him. "What makes you think I would forgive and forget that easily?"

"I didn't . I just want us to all get along for us. You're coming to the part, right?" He wondered.

"No, Noah. I don't know. Kate tells me not to show up and Miranda's turning everyone against me. I don't know if I should waste my time." I responded.

"What did Kate-" He stopped when Francisco came up to me, doing the complete "over-protective boyfriend thing." "Hey," Noah said. Francisco didn't even knowledge his presence. He wrapped his arm around me.

"Como estas bonita?"

"Bien ." I gave him a seductive look while smiling a completely genuine smile. Noah was so jealous. I could tell without even looking at him. Francisco was better at this than I thought he'd be.

"Ready to go?" He asked.

"Yeah." I looked at Noah one last time to see him looking completely crushed. "See you later hon?" He nodded dumbly. That was waaaayyy to easy. And seeing Francisco made me change my mind about that party. I was thinking about making an appearance there and I had just the outfit, and the guy that I needed.

A/N: It's been almost three months since I've added to my story, but chapter six is finally here! Yeah! I hope you guys that were reading before are still reading. Umm . nm to say except the next chapter will feature the football game, Kate's party, problems between Noah/Miranda, and Claire doing something completely out of character in front of everyone. I hope you enjoy!! I'll add the next chapter in 7-14 days unless I get 5 or more reviews!!


	7. Chapter Seven

**Chapter Seven: I Don't Give a Damn About My Bad Reputation**

I felt a huge adrenaline as Sugani, Miranda, and Jennifer pushed up into a full liberty. My right foot was pressed so tightly to my left knee that I thought they'd never separate. As I cradled down, Miranda backed out of it a little and I almost landed on the ground. "Oops." She gave me fake sympathy like I had done to her so many times before.

"This isn't something to fu- mess around with Miranda. If I fall, your crusty butt is going down too." I smiled the whole time, making sure to spirit. While in uniform, I had to watch my mouth and appear totally angelic.

I almost forgot. After I set her straight, things went smoothly. Our routine was so much better than our rivals, the dolphins. Next to us, they looked like a middle school team that could barely do fulls.

I loved the feeling of having the whole crowd completely into what we were doing as I went up, preparing for a basket-toss. Against Kate's wishes, I had been chosen to do all the really hard stunts.

Lets just face it, she had gotten really chubby lately, almost to the point where people were spreading rumors about her being pregnant, but they were only rumors, I was guessing. Even if they weren't, Kate wasn't the one to have a kid. If pregnant, that baby didn't stand a chance.

With Queen Kate away, the whole game was awesome. I soo loved watching Noah attempt to play football. He was a cute quarterback, but it was Francisco who completely stole the show.

'Who knew that he had skills like that?' I smiled, thinking to myself. This was only going to boost my popularity, as if I wasn't popular enough, and make him become a household name overnight. Then, maybe, I'd control my own world rather than having others control it for me.

"Your boyfriend is doing really good out there," Sugani commented.

"Yeah, totally. His playing is wicked awesome." Jennifer chimed in. With her dark brown hair and piercing hazel eyes, she could be the next Kate.

She'd have to dye her hair and get contacts, but nothing would be able to cover up that clear 100 Brazilian-Italian skin complexion. People here weren't too big on looking too ethnic ... or as they said in that annoying politically correct way 'exotic.'

I learned not to take most stuff to heart, but the way Kate was running things drived me nuts. It sucked being the token black girl, playing by a spoiled, self-centered white girl's rules who had the world at her fingertips ... all because she was melanin deficient.

"Francisco is not my boyfriend." I mumbled to Sugani separating myself from my thoughts and realizing that now wasn't the time to get 'deep.' I was in a sad, shallow world and I had to play the game before it played me.

"You sure fooled me and everyone else. Everyone's talking about it. Even Noah seemed to be jealous earlier at practice." Sugani shot back.

"So? Noah and _Miranda_ go out. I really don't think that he cares that much about what I do or who I talk to. If you want him, I can arrange for it." I added, hoping to make her see that I was so not interested in Noah, even though I really was.

"No thanks. I prefer guys with more color." She admitted.

"Like Brandon?" I urged.

"Like him, but not him ... what do you see in Noah anyway?" Sugani asked.

"I don't know ... nothing." I lied, realizing that Miranda was still within earshot of everything I was about to say. I wanted to say how he treated me with a respect and pure admiration that I had never received from any other guy. But then I was reminded of the 'status quo' of our school.

It may not have been the 1960s, but it was still frowned upon. A black girl with a white guy wasn't happening. It was 2005 and people hadn't changed their thoughts one bit. Oh well. I couldn't let this get me down. I had to stay focused.

"This isn't the best time to be having this conversation. We're supposed to be concentrating and giving the guys good thoughts." I finished, rasiing one finger as the other girls followed.

We didn't need the good luck because Francisco was whooping that ass, but that was our job, to encourage and give out loads of energy. Cheerleaders made hard shit look easy and did it with a smile.

"Whatever. Francisco is Mr. Miracle Man himself. He and Noah could take this team all by themselves. Heck, we could whoop 'em." Sugani answered. I still couldn't figure out if she was on my side or if she was going to be the girl that Kate was going to replace me with. Only time would tell.

* * *

Francisco and I walked into the party, knowing that all eyes were on us. I grabbed his hand and immediately headed for the dance floor. Luckily, he was thinking the same thing. 

We were the envy of the party. Easily. We danced through three fast songs until a slow one finally came on.

Francisco pulled me closer to him. "Remember what I said. Don't do anything unless I initiate it." I demanded, looking into his dark brown eyes and letting myself being taken in by his scents and his ... gorgeousness.

Too bad that was all there was to him. An impeccable cute face... and maybe a good body? I didn't know yet, but time would only tell. It was sad though. I felt nothing else. Nothing.

"I know what you want." He whispered, caressing my face. I gave in first, kissing his soft lips. I pulled back for a moment and smiled wondering if I could get past him only being able to offer me outward perfection.

I looked around, trying to see if Noah had noticed. If he had, there were no signs and I was back to feel like shit again.

"I'll be right back ... I need a drink." I whispered. Francisco followed me to make sure that I was okay. I looked around for a wine bottle, found it and took a sip, which wasn't as disgusting as I'd always thought it would be.

It was having that soothing effect on me. I was starting to see why people drank at parties. Especially in my condition, things could get really nerve-wracking.

"You don't have to sit here and chaperone me. Go." I took a longer sip this time, and then another.

"No." Francisco moved in behind me, kissing my neck. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah." I lied. The only thing I was sure of at that moment was that I had lost Noah, probably forever due to the politics of high school. This sucked.

After a nearly half a bottle of wine I felt myself have a sudden burst of happiness. Who cared if Noah didn't want me. Fuck him! A lot of guys wanted me.

I went to search for Francisco, but he was gone. Probably found himself locked in a room with Kate. Typical. I decided that he wasn't going to ruin my party either.

Spotting Noah and Miranda dancing contently, I knew just the thing that would get his attention. I needed to do something drastic.

Moments later, I jumped on the table and went wild. All eyes were on me- maybe or maybe not- but I loved this song so much. I started dancing, like I had seen that girl on a movie do.

And it worked. Guys were hollering and everyone had stopped in their tracks to look at me.

"Get off the table!" Kate yelled at me.

"Hell no." I grinned, taking a dip and showing off some of Shakira's moves that I had been practicing. Kate went over to get Noah and he too started to urge me to calm down.

I dropped to the table and started crawling. My top was starting to come off, but I didn't care. Why should I care? Francisco, appearing out of no where, was right in front of me.

"Get up here bitch!" I yelled, reaching for Francisco's hand.

"I'm cool babe!" He responded, sitting back in a chair. I slid off the table and onto his lap.

"Just play along." I whispered, giving him a mini lap dance, and making sure that I finally found out what the rest of his body looked like, at least some of it. And it was perfect.

"What are you doing?" Noah shouted as I pulled Francisco in for a deep kiss.

"Having fun. You should do the same." I smiled, leaving Francisco and moving onto him.

"Stop it Claire. Stop!" I paused for a moment, feeling like and idiot. "This isn't like you. What the hell is up?"

"Like you would care."

"I care when you're dancing around like some whore in a bra and your thong showing to the world." Noah whispered. He covered me up protectively, handing my top back to me.

"Back off." I mumbled, feeling like trash. I left the room, ignoring the boos and Francisco followed.

"Would you leave her alone?" Noah wondered.

"Do you want me to go?" Francisco asked me as my head started to pound.

"I don't give a shit."

"I don't want to leave you here, like this." He admitted in that thick Spanish accent of his. .

"You just want some booty." I laughed. "Which Kate already gave you." I was disgusted, and with that, he left. Noah, sensed that his presence wasn't needed and left too.

I grabbed another drink and decided that I was going to go give Noah a piece of my mind. Only I didn't make it that far. Something hit me, or I ran into something and everything went black.

(A/N: For those who have been reading, I am re-writing the latter part of this story so it will be some of the same content, but my idea for the story has completely changed. Don't forget to review. Thanks!--NL)


	8. Chapter Eight

**Chapter Eight: Why Don't You Care For Me?**

"Claire. Claire." Someone was whispering to me.

"Hmmm." I replied, still half-asleep.

"I think she's all right."

"Then get her ass out of my house." I woke up upon hearing this voice. It was Kate. No doubt. I opened my eyes only to see two faces crowding over me.

A couple people were standing back. I really appreciated that because personal space was very important to me.

"What am I still doing here?" I wondered.

"You got drunk and passed out." Kate began. "Isn't it ironic? Miss goody-goody who's never done anything is so totally screwed."

"Leave her alone Kate." Noah defended me.

"Get out." I demanded, talking to everyone, even Noah.

"You heard her." All the others in the room left, including Kate who didn't seemed impressed.

"I meant you too." I replied, feeling a deep stinging pain from my head.

"It's called a hang-over." Noah answered, sensing my grimace.

"Why didn't you just send me home?"

"Your parents would've lost it. I was just looking out for you. You mean a lot to me." He softly caressed my face.

"If you were really looking out for me you'd stop playing all these games. What the hell is up with you Noah? Why do you keep doing this? If you want to be with Miranda then don't say these things to me." I sighed. "Don't make it seem like we have any hope when you know we don't." I narrowed my eyes, trying not to lose my composure.

"Claire, I just can't up and leave her like that."

"Yeah, but you could leave whatever I thought we had? How'd you get over it so soon? How do you say 'oh I'm gonna "love" her' one day and then switch it up to someone else?" He didn't say anything.

"Is it that easy for you to move on? You know everyday I sit here, trying to make it better ... everyday I see you with her and it kills me inside. I want that too. I want to be a part of this great match too. I'm so sick of playing the role of the lonely, selfish bitch all the time." I admitted as the tears threatened to flow down my face.

"Do you even care at all? Was I just the token again ... I just can't deal with this anymore." I whispered, giving up on trying to get a straight answer from him.

"I'm already so over you you piece of shit." I told myself, getting out of the bed and walking over to the mirror. I looked like shit.

"Claire ."Noah began, speaking up for the first time since I started my monologue.

"Don't even say that you love me. It's too late. Actions speak louder than words ... it's over." I stated firmly. "because you're too much of a prick. And in high school no one's really in love."

"I love you." He admitted anyway. I forced myself to turn icy and cold. "That doesn't even express how much I care about you."

"You can't just throw those three words around and expect it to make everything better. You don't even know me. You couldn't fathom the shit I have to do through. Everyday ... for _looking _at you ... for going against what Kate wants ..." I started to cry again, this time catching my tears before they fell.

"I'll make it up to you C-"

"Save your bull shit and fuck off." I answered. Nothing good was going to come out of this so I walked out the room. It was evident that I had been crying, but what the hell? Since when did I let people know that I cared? I closed myself off to people to protect myself and now I was a mess.

Noah 'loving me'? Yeah right. It was too late. I showed him that it mattered. With my confessions, I'd admitted that I'd thought about us like that, again. I was so emotionally unstable.

My reputation was already ruined by my striptease performance last night. I only had one thing to be thankful for and that was that my parents didn't know. Hopefully they'd never find out. I couldn't imagine having the only person who stood up for me--my dad--be disappointed. Even if he wasn't my real dad, it reminded me of my family before the accident.

* * *

Walking down the stairs of Kate's house seemed harder than usual. The light seemed so bright and I could feel my stomach muscles ready to up-chuck anything I tried to swallow. 

"Well, well, look who finally decided to show up. You've been the topic of conversation all day." Kate told me. I noticed that everyone was in the room except Miranda and Noah. She was probably giving him pity sex. I always knew that she was a fake virgin anyway.

"Whatever." I mumbled, really not in the mood to tell her exactly what I thought of her.

"You know, if it wasn't for Noah your ass would be on the streets right now."

"Ooh. Wow. I'm grateful for him." I rolled my eyes. Kate came up to me.

"Look bitch. I made you and I can easily break you." Giving her the finger was totally called for, so I did it.

"Do I care?" I walked off into another room to find what was left of my things. Ethan and the others tried to hold back snickers, while Lizzie looked as if she had been violated.

"Sorry hon. This is the real world." I told her. I didn't really know what I was looking for, but being around Kate wasn't going to make anything better.

"You want her, don't you?!" I heard Miranda yelling at Noah from another room.

"I chose you," was all he said in reply.

"Answer the question Noah ... God, I can't believe this. I gave you so much of myself Noah. I mean, we made a committment and ... I lost my virginity to you." She whispered so lowly that I could barely hear her.

I held back a snicker. Didn't her mother ever teach her to get the ring, wedding, and then have sex? Duh. Boys and girls sex changes everything.

"Miranda. I want to be with you. Whatever I thought I had with Claire isn't going to work out- I mean ... I'm with you, all the way." He lied. "It took me a while to realize it, but now I know what's good for you is good for me."

"Bull shit." I mumbled under my breath. He had just taken lyrics from Avril Lavinge and O-Town. If Miranda couldn't see that, then she was truly an idiot.

"Do you mean it? No more chasing after her?"

"It's over." Noah admitted as Miranda smiled, kissing him passionately. He reluctantly kissed her back, then more and more forcefully. I could tell that I was easily forgotten and that his lust for her was taking over. They closed the room door and I moved, only to be avoided being seen.

So, this was it. The one guy that I had opened my heart to had pretended that I meant anything to him. When it really mattered, he wasn't there.

I walked behind the couch, finding the skimpy halter that I had been wearing last night. What was I thinking? I looked at myself, realizing that I only had on a long T-shirt. It smelled just like Noah.

When was I going to forget about him? I rushed back upstairs to take a shower and to change into whatever clothes I had. My head was still hurting like hell, but it still couldn't drown out the emotional distress that I was still feeling from losing Noah.

This was the end. That's it. Nothing in my life seemed to matter anymore- only that I couldn't have him.

(A/N: I hope you guys liked this chapter. It was emotionally exhausting to write. Anyway, keeping reviewing. I should update within two weeks, depending on how many reviews I get. (hint, hint) Just let me know that someone is reading!! --NL)


	9. Chapter Nine: I'm So Hollow

**Chapter Nine: I'm so Hollow**

(A/N: Completed Chapter)

So there you have it. I was free from Kate's evil grasp, but nothing in my life seemed to matter anymore. I never realized how much it sucked to be single when you just wanted someone to love you, some meaning in your life.

It wasn't even about just being loved. I was tossed out from this world, this identity that I held onto for so long. Who was I anymore? I didn't know how to be anyone but ice princess Claire.

I walked down the hallway, feeling completely bummed especially with Valentine's Day around the corner. What saps they are, I thought, watching Ethan fawn over Lizzie. For once even she wasn't flustered all the time.

She looked … happy, something that I could never quite understand and yet it became something that I desperately wanted to cling to.

My embarrassing performance as a striptease had left me back on the outside, losing the one thing that made me better than everyone else … the one thing that I had used to make everyone else feeling at least an ounce of pain that I felt everyday.

Something that I could not escape. I paused, watching Noah and Miranda.

What a fool I was to even contemplate the idea of a happily ever after ending. Happiness is temporary, just like everything else in the world.

In an instant it can be swept away and vanish without a trace. I watched Noah take her hand, whispering some words, reassuringly making even me believe them.

"Claire bear, I was looking for you." Sugani walked into step with me as I took a deep breathe. It wasn't over, just yet.

"So, what are your plans for today?" I asked as Ethan and Lizzie passed me. He barely looked up, but she gave me a sympathetic glance.

Now Frizzie Lizzie was pitying me. Two months. Two months and I was erased completely. Taken out of yearbook photos, almost kicked off the squad (They'd found some bogus reason to bench me instead).

I could always play the Francisco card, but that didn't feel right. I could work my way back up but the damage was almost irreparable. There were no guarantees and I almost didn't want that life anymore.

Any moment could be your last. You couldn't trust anyone. It was so dog-eat-dog that you lost yourself all the time. The conflicting ideologies, the hypocracy drove me mad.

Sure, it was a rush but I was sick of it. I knew that icy girl would always be apart of me, but I didn't want her to have to follow around some attention-starved girl like Kate.

Even though Kate did have plans for Valentine's Day and I had nothing. "Nothing." I answered, never thinking I would be without something to do, an appearance to make, a boyfriend to steal, and Noah to drool over.

"Perfect. We are going to have a girl's day-night out." She offered, squeezing me for a hug. "You and I are going to go to the spa, get our hair done, nails, and all that girly shit that both of us hate so much."

"So we're having a gay day?" I laughed to myself.

"Exactly. I know you're still plotting Kate's demise..." Sugani began as Kate passed by, hooked arm in arm with Miranda. So I was sort-of replaced. "Everyone's bored with them anyway."

"Then why do they keep hoovering over Queen Kate and following her every move?"

"They're scared Claire. She's ruled this school since ... before she walked into it. They need a new leader."

"And it's not going to be me." I answered. "I'm through with dictatorships."

"What did I miss?" Jennifer appeared to my surprise.

"Weren't you talking to Kate about--"

"I hate that girl. She's such a bitch... no worse than that. Someone should invent a word to match her patheticness." Jennifer continued to complain as I looked around. It wasn't _that_ bad. I wasn't completely alone.

And people still looked at me, but just not the same as they used to. I could see that I would have to change. I really would.

I didn't have Kate to follow, or at least pretend to follow any longer. It was me and these two bitches against the world. Against everything fake, candy-coated, shallow, and so-called All-American, blonde-haired, light-eyes, faked tan white. It was just me and--

"Hey." Francisco eyed me with a smile. A small crowd started to form as I placed my hands on my hips.

"What makes you think you can talk to me? Don't you know the rules ... you have to get permission from Kate the Queen Bitch and the Spineless, ball-less King Ethan." I informed him, half-joking. Ha. Since when did I joke around?

"You look really sexy today." He admitted as the crowd started to thicken a little.

"You think you're so smooth." I teased back. "I'm wearing a T-shirt and jeans."

"I'm imagining what's under all that." Francisco whispered in my ear as I blushed. "I was just wondering if you could do a repeat of that ... dance. Right here, right now."

"Keep wishing jock boy." I finished with Jennifer and Sugani still at my sides.

"Is the crowd permanently glued to you or can't you have a moment away from them?" Sugani wondered boldly. I loved that girl.

"Comes with the territory." Francisco grinned.

"You better run. Here comes the royalty now." Jennifer spoke up as Francisco's body tensed up.

"Well, if it isn't the school's fifty cent ho." Kate gave me a huge, award-winning smile. "Ethan, be a dear and hand her two quarters. Maybe she'll do her little lap dance again."

"Come on guys, let's go." I sighed. I could always say something back but I wasn't 100 percent Claire. I was still finding my place, still deciding what I was going to be now.

"What a wimp!" Miranda yelled behind me, holding onto Noah, no doubt. Sugani stepped up again, giving them a flick of her finger as the nearby crowd muttered 'oohs.'

That was high school for you. "Thanks guys." I whispered as we all engaged in a group hug. It was so different feeling like this. I guess this was what a friend felt like."So what now?"

"Let's get you un-benched!" Jennifer screamed.

"So Ms. Carpenter, I really don't understand why I was benched. I've performed all of my duties as a cheerleader and beyond. When Kate wasn't feeling well and when she went through that rough patch ... you know what I'm talking about ... I took over."

"It says here that you were benched because of your use of profane language while wearing the uniform." She responded, reading a sheet of paper from her records.

"By whose account? I can swear that I've never done anything out-of-character while representing our school while in uniform."

"Claire. I must ask this ... why did you wait so long to fight this?"

"I really don't know. I think I just gave up, but it's not okay that I've been essentially taken off a squad that I've helped to build up." I argued. Here it was. She was going to turn me down in three, two, one--

"I completely agree." Ms. Carpenter smiled at me. "I was wondering when you were gonna get back on that horse."

"What horse?"

"It's an expression. It means it's about time you stood up for yourself and welcome back!"

"Ha!" I yelled, giving her a huge hug before leaving her office elated. All I had to do was stand up for something and fight for it rather than cowering and backing down.

"You're home early." Amy, my 'mom' noted as I walked in the house. Shit. What day was it ... Monday. Why didn't I notice it before? When I knew Amy would be here, and David, my dad, wouldn't I'd always find something to do.

I was just so surprised and relieved to be back on the squad. Damn it!

"I have a lot of school work to do."

"Come here Claire. Talk to me." Amy beckoned me. I hated this. I knew what she was going to try to do to me.

"I'm really busy!" I called back, starting to run up to my room, my santuary.

"Some nice little boy called for you. I believe his name was Noah ... or Francisco ... I can't remember." I sighed. Amy had me. My curiosity was getting the best of me. I had to know who called.

"Who was it Amy?"

"Don't I get a hug?" She demanded as I walked over to her reluctantly. She seized me tightly as I felt her hand brush from my upper leg all the way to my shoulder. I tried to stop myself from shuddering. 'Show no weakness.'

"Who called?"

"Did I ever tell you that you're gorgeous?" Amy answered, finally pulling away from our hug just to stare me down before catching me off guard and kissing me straight on the lips. I pulled away.

"Who was it?" I asked, wiping my lips furiously, heading for the water facet in the kitchen. I could barely think. My heart was starting to pound, my head was hurting, I felt weak. I didn't want this to happen. I didn't want anything to happen. It had been a few years since anything had happened.

I was older now. At sixteen I could protect myself like I couldn't when I was an eleven-year-old and she was just a good friend of my parents. I saw wet drops of tears fall onto the counter before I even felt them drip down my face.

"Why so sad? I love you so much Claire. Don't you love me?"

"Leave me the hell alone." I narrowed my voice.

Amy flipped her red hair behind her shoulder in response. "You know your dad is out on a business venture. I'm sure he won't be back for a while, at least a couple of weeks." She rested her hand on my shoulder, playing with it before moving further and further down towards my chest.

"Stop." I pushed her away, but she already had a hold on my shirt. "No!" I yelled as we started fighting--Amy kept trying to pursue me and I did whatever I could--kicking, punching, biting, hitting--anything to get her away.

Ding dong. We both paused. I had never felt so much satisfaction in knowing that someone was coming to visit us.

"I'll get it." I finally pulled away, noticing that my shirt was ripped. I could feel my face stinging, but I needed an excuse, any excuse.

"Hey Claire." Francisco's thick Spanish accent. I couldn't have been more relieved.

"Want to come in?" I asked as he nodded.

"Are you ... okay? I heard some noise outside and I really just came to--"

"Meet my mom. Amy." I introduced her as Francisco looked at her and then me. I knew what he was thinking, how the hell was my mom white? "I'm adopted." I explained as I showed him to my room.

"I really just came to--"

"I just need to do this really quickly and then I'm all yours." I offered tossing a shitload of clothes into one of my largest rolling bookbags. I would keep it in my car, spend the night at friend's houses ... which had now dwindled to just two, and make it work until David got back.

"What's with the suitcase?" Francisco asked as I scurried down the stairs.

"Spending the night with a friend."

"With all of that junk?"

"I need outfit options." We neared the door. "Later Amy!" I yelled back, totally erasing what happened earlier.

"Who are you staying with?"

"Why the twenty questions?" I shot back. He looked at me still waiting for an answer. "I don't know yet, any suggestions?"


	10. Chapter Ten: Makeup is All Off, Who Am

**Chapter Ten: Make-up is All Off, Who Am I? **

(**A/N: PLEASE REVIEW.) **

I stayed with Sugani that night. Francisco offered, but how could I stay in his house when he was staying with a host family? How pathetic would that be? And then he'd want something from me because no one does anything out of the 'kindness of their heart.' It's all about 'what can you do for me?'

I couldn't sleep that night. I kept thinking about the incident with Amy. Why was I letting it get to me? I'd gotten out of it this time before anything really bad happened. Still, the thought of her lips touching mine repulsed me. I threw up in my mouth and then ran to the bathroom in hopes of brushing it out as well as the thoughts swirling in my mind.

I wished that my 'dad', who was really my cousin, would just come home. I wish that he'd bring back another new car and that my 'brother' and I would have to fight over it ... and I wish that I hadn't left. I know it sounds stupid, but Savannah was still there and even though she technically isn't my little sister, the thought of Amy ravishing her makes me want to kill myself.

I couldn't think about this now ... no. I had to be selfish and take care of myself and I seriously doubted that Amy would touch her own daughter that way but ... it still bothered me a lot. I knew I had to go back and for now ... well, I just needed to sleep.

But, my mind kept racing. I told Sugani that I'd gotten into a fight, which was true, but I never mentioned Amy as my opponent. I was more worried about what everyone was going to say tomorrow. Francisco saw me. I tried to think about what it looked like ... My face was bruised, my clothes torn, and I was running out with a suitcase.

Not good. Now, rather than just being an outcast, formerly known as one of the most popular girls in school, I would become the loser who got into physical fights at home. I sighed. It could be worse. The whole truth could get out.

That morning, I knew what I had to do. Ditch school.

"You're not going?" Sugani whispered after I told her my plan.

"No. I need to go somewhere and think. Tell Ms. Carpenter that I'm not feeling well. If she wants, I will make it to practice though." I finished.

"Do you know how bad that will look? Either you go to everything or nothing." Sugani answered. "Does this have anything to do with Francisco showing up here with you?"

"No." I sighed. "Just don't tell your folks, okay?" She nodded. I knew I could trust her. "Thanks." I smiled, hugging her. "If I had an older sister, I'd what her to be just like you."

"You little sap ... let's get some breakfast."

"You missed so much juicy shit today girl!" Sugani yelled as I rolled my eyes. I already knew it was all about me and as I walked around on the beach today, I thought about exactly how I was going to handle it.

"What happened?"

"Well, you know how you thought your status/position/whatever was over?" I nodded my head in response. "Actually the tables have turned. Kate's th--"

"Kate? Don't mention her." I demanded angrily. I knew that little fucker was having a field day. I had always kept her from Amy and up until Francisco, it worked out really well. "I don't care about high school drama anyway, which is why I am doing that Rotary abroad program. In a few months I'll be saying 'Kate who? Noah who?'"

"Oh, so you're still not over Noah. That's what this is about?" Sugani pressed as I sighed.

"Not even!"

"Explain it to me."

"The boys at our school just don't get it. There's so clueless, you know. And that's not even half of the problem. I'm sick of that popular, not-popular shit. Staying here another year would be me trying to fight against it all and I'm tired of fighting. Don't I a deserve a break?"

"Come on Claire bear. Hang in there." Sugani begged. I can't imagine a week without you. You're my favorite person at that school." She hugged me tightly. "I'm not giving you up without a fight."

"Unless you can convince me that red is blue, there's no way I'm staying." I answered, hugging her back.

"Just tell me why you're letting Noah get to you so much. It's been two months. I thought you were over it honey." She began.

"Me too, but you don't get over it like that. Gani, he played me. He made me believe that he was different from everyone else when he was really just a wolf in sheep's clothing. How am I supposed to NOT want to kill him?" I shot back.

"He played some serious head fuck game with me and now ... I don't know which side is up." I looked down, sadly.

"Maybe you should talk to him. You should tell him how you feel and maybe he'll fess up to you."

"Did it already."

"Claire, Noah isn't over you. The way he looks at you, girls kill to be looked at that way."

"He's sleeping with Miranda not because he wants to but because he was too afraid to be with me, because I'm black. That's the stupidest shit I've ever heard of. I can't be with someone who's so easy to manipulate and control. It's not even--" I stopped as the lyrics to Aqua's "Barbie Girl" started playing on my phone.

My pink, razor phone which everyone had. No questions asked.

"Will you look at it already? I feel like I'm becoming more artifical the longer that song plays!" Sugani cried.

"Fine." I opened my phone. It was a text message from ... Francisco, which read: 'Where wre u 2day school? Missed U. B there 2mor?'

'Where did you get this number? Stalk much?'

'Anyone who's anyone has it.'

'And you're the shit.' I responded, completely forgetting that Sugani was still sitting beside me and that we hadn't finished our conversation.

'You said it, not me. Going to Friday game?'

'It's Homecoming. What do you think?'

'I'm thinking ... see you tomorrow.'

As I walked through the hallway with Jennifer and Sugani by my side the next day, I could feel that the dynamics of the school had changed. Maybe they knew about me? Or maybe it was my change in attitude that made it _seem _different even though it was really the same. It was hard to tell, but everywhere I went people were whispering and giggling.

"What the hell is going on?" I wondered as Francisco came face-to-face with us. I guess we were about to find out. Those random ass text messages had me on edge, but now wasn't the time to focus on that. There were more important things going on in my life.

"What do you want now?" I asked moodily, knowing that he had narced me and everyone was talking about me. Somehow, I still hoped that the make-up I put on my face was enough to cover up some of the marks from my altercation with Amy.

"I want to ask you something."

"Go ahead." I challenged him. I didn't need to say the whole 'my friends know everything' card because my look said it all.

"I want you to go out with me." He said so quietly that I barely heard. I smirked.

"You're kidding right or is this just blackmail for you silence?"

"I won't say anything-- I haven't said anything--"

"And this 'date' will seal the deal? I don't think so. I'll take my chances against the pack of wolves." I responded, raising my eyebrows while daring him to challenge me. "I don't back down to anyone and I don't 'date.' I fuck." I added, playing with his head a little.

"I won't say anything I promise ... but, what am I keeping my mouth shut about?"

"I'm not blind Francisco. This school doesn't feel how it did the other day. I'm betting you had something to do with it and that you're going to tell me that you've found a way out of it for me." I shrugged my shoulders with indifference. "And I'm saying 'no thanks.' I think you've done enough Francisco."

"I just thought as a truly sincere person, we could have a heart to heart ... no bull shit, as you say." Francisco begged with an almost comedic attempt at sincerity, quoting part of the poem I had written for our mandatory Creative Writing class.

I paused for a while. What was I going to say? Francisco was not backing down and my will power to keep at this game was lessening.

"You're just in it for the sex." I joked.

"Naw. I can get that anywhere, anytime." He nodded, really adapting to life as a Hillridge High jock. "So?"

"I'll see you after the party stalker, and then we'll talk. Maybe I'll take you up on that no bull shit deal." I gave him a half wave as I walked to my next class, the life brought back into my step. I knew I had to be careful with ones like that ... who could charm the pants off you. The difference was, I could charm anyone into thinking it was raining when I was really pissing on them.

I really wanted to see how Savannah was doing, even if that meant facing Amy again so that afternoon, I took a detour home. Luckily, it was around 5:30 meaning that dad would be around soon. If Amy was here, she had _just _gotten here, but I didn't see a car or anything. Either way, I would have to face her.

I fiddled around with the keys for a little while, trying to mentally prepare myself for this. After jamming them into the door and opening it, the contents of my purse took a spill, echoing a loud sound. If anyone was home, they'd definitely hear this.

"Look who finally decided to come home." Amy remarked as I opened the front door, silently cursing myself.

"Hi Amy." I replied, hurrying to put everything back where it belonged. "Is Savannah here?"

"You've been gone for what seems like weeks and all you can do is ask about my daughter? You have some explaining to do."

"Is dad home?" I scoffed, tucking my hair behind my ears.

"Don't worry dear, it looks beautiful." She caressed my hair gently. "You always look gorgeous."

"I didn't come here for this." I muttered, pushing her aside. "I'm seeing someone."

"Oh? That _chico_?!" Amy nearly yelled, looking at me hatefully. "He couldn't touch you the way I can." She pulled me closer to her by my waist.

"Where's Savannah … have you done anything to her?" I wondered, fire in my eyes.

"No. You're the special one." Amy smiled, looking at me longingly. "If you want to keep it that way, I suggest that you come back."

"You'd do that to your own child?"

"My _husband's _child." Amy rolled her eyes. "God you've become a buzz kill. She's upstairs."

"Amy … don't hurt her okay? As long as she's here, nothing can keep me away." I whispered, rushing up the stairs to find a happy Savannah. She looked so happy, so innocent so … okay. And I knew how to keep it that way and it involved me, Amy, and any sick thing she could think of for us to do.


	11. Chapter Eleven: Who Has to Know?

**Chapter Eleven: Who Has to Know?**

* * *

"All right. Let's get in formation!" I yelled out to the squad after school was over. Francisco had kept this word, and even though people were whispering in the hallways as I walked by, I knew it wasn't about Amy, so I didn't care.

"Aren't you going to ask where Kate is?" Jennifer asked, taking a sip from her water bottle.

"I do not want to hear that name ever again." I responded. Positivity. I was going to remove all the negative energy from my thoughts--

"Ladies, I have an announcement to make!" Ms. Carpenter came into the gym area hurriedly. "I am sorry to say that Kate Sanders will no longer be a member of this squad." I rolled my eyes. Her name, again. Even the teachers couldn't live without speaking it.

"Why not?" Sugani asked with a smile.

"That is confidential information, but starting immediately, we're going to start having random drug tests so make your decisions wisely girls. Anyone found with illegal substances in their system will be removed from the team."

"You mean like Kate?" Jennifer wondered.

"One a lighter note, it's about that time again for the big sports calendar. Last year, the football, male basketball, and dance team outsold us. Let's make this year our year." Ms. Carpenter avoided the question as a buzz started up, both about Kate and the calendar fund raiser.

"So, how does the calendar go … I'm new on the squad." Lizzie squeaked from the background.

"If you read the cheer manual, you'd know." Raven answered sassily. "But I didn't read it either." She added as everyone laughed.

"Your new captain will be providing you with more details as they come, but the squad arranges for a photo shoot paid for by a team sponsor. Then, you all will work together and come up with different themes for each of the twelve months … and this year, I don't want any controversy over who gets the page by themself." She explained.

"What if you don't want to be in the calendar?" Lizzie wondered again, still not having enough embarrassment from earlier.

"Squad obligation." Ms. Carpenter looked at her from over the top of her glasses. "Keep practicing girls. Sorry for the interruption." Claire's attention turned back to Sugani who was updating her on what had happened at Hill Ridge High.

"Okay, like I was saying ... that's what I was trying to tell you yesterday. They found like a whole bunch of marijuana or coke or something in Kate's locker. She was going to be expelled, but her mom pulled her out of school just in time." Sugani explained to me with a smirk. "She got what she deserved after all, right?"

"Yeah." I sighed. I should have felt relief, but I still felt a little guilty and responsible. Well, maybe not responsible, but obligated to do something. Once upon a time she was Barbie and I was her best friend Christie.

"You don't look so happy about that. I thought you hated her." Jennifer wondered as I just shrugged.

"It seems that we have to make a slight adjustment to the squad. As of today, we have a new captain--"

"I object." I spoke up knowing that it was going to be one of Kate's no-talent followers or someone like Chelsea or Miranda and I was in no mood to take orders from anyone.

"I was going to name you the new captain Claire, but if you don't want it ..."

"No. She'll totally take it, right Claire?" Sugani jumped in as a nodded dumbly, overwhelmed. Everything was just happening so rapidly right in front of me.

"But, shouldn't we get a vote?" Miranda chimed in as I gave her a look of death that told her to shut it. Now that Kate was gone, Sugani would be a _real _Varsity Cheerleader and I was going to have to faze out the weak links, as soon as I could figure out what happened to my life and how I started living Kate's.

"Remember, no ditching us." Jennifer stopped the car in front of Kate's house.

"Remind me why we're here again?" Sugani wondered.

"Yeah, you're breaking our pre-game ritual."

"I know Jen, but ... I'll be there on time. I promise." I shielded my eyes from them with a pair of sunglasses although it was anything but sunny outside. Whatever happened tonight, I just needed to suck it up because I had a show to put on at the game.

I didn't even bother knocking on the door because I knew no one would answer. Kate's parents weren't exactly around and company was probably the last thing that she wanted, but the thing that she needed most.

"Kate? Kate?" I let myself into the house after pulling the key from the "secret hiding place." No one answered, but I knew she was there. Her car was still in the driveway.

"Look, I know you're here so don't turn this into a hide and seek game. I want to talk to you."

"You can talk, but I don't have to listen." Kate answered back as I turned around. I had passed the living room without even thinking about going in.

"Why are you sitting here in the dark? This place looks dead."

"I know you don't do the sympathy thing so well Claire so get to it. What's you're real reason for coming here? Do you want to rub it in my face that karma came back to me for once? Do you want to get a good laugh ... well laugh it up. My life sucks."

"Do I look that evil? When have I ever hated anyone so much that I wanted them to feel so low?"

"Miranda, remember her with Noah? Or even pathetic little Lizzie. Just because everyone else_ loves_ you now doesn't mean that I don't know the real you. You're a bitch Claire, just like me and when you get yours, it'll be just as bad if not worse than mine."

Kate's words echoed through my mind reminding me of how right she was. She was soooo right. Not too long ago I had hated Miranda just like Kate now hated me and had even ruined that other girl's life when she threatened my and Kate's place in the social hierarchy.

I was now in this huge position of major power, of every high school outcast's dream fantasy, but it wasn't sitting well with me. I could only bring myself to think about that even though we were actually winning and kicking ass, thanks to Francisco.

"Your boyfriend is majorly doing it out there!" Jennifer yelled enthusiastically.

"Yeah." I nodded, a plastic face of joy plastered on my face. I was so not there.

"Claire ... whatever is it, snap out of it." Sugani demanded simultaneously, doing a perfect high kick. "We've got a job to do."

"I don't know if..."

"If what?"

"If this is what I want."

"Where did you go before the game tonight and what did they cram down your throat?" Sugani wondered, looking at me, concerned.

"Kate Sanders."

"What?" Jennifer whispered, still smiling. "Why?"

"I thought I could help her, but what I got was a reality check. She laid it out for me and told me that I was no better than her. Exactly like her and that ... my fall would come around tenfold."

"She's just bitter." Jennifer reassured me.

"And really, really pathetic." Sugani added. "You're climbing back to the top successfully because you decided _not _to be a bit … witch , not because you were and people respect that. For once, they genuinely like and you look up to you for the right reasons."

"Yeah." I nodded, shaking off the pessimistic feeling I had earlier. "You're right."

"So ... after party tonight?" Jennifer wondered before lifting me up into a flawless liberty.

I nodded before doing twist cradle out of the stunt. "Why not?"

After the game, I was on this total high. Admittedly, I was super sweaty and tired too, but none of the guys seemed to notice as we shook hands with the guys on the opposite team. I felt a couple of pieces of paper slid into my hand from the losing team.

They wished. I grinned thinking about how dancing the night away would be the perfect release for me. I rushed back to the lockers rooms, hoping to run into Francisco and thank him, but my plan was detoured as I saw Noah instead, with Miranda.

Miranda shook her head in disbelief, tears streaming down her face.

"How can you just …" Miranda's voice trailed off.

"I'm sorry, I just--"

"This is about Claire isn't it? Noah, I thought that when we started to go out, we would stay together." She whined. I nearly rolled my eyes, but this was too good for me to be annoyed. Was karma playing to my side or what?

"Miranda there's something wrong between us…"

"And I suppose you're going to say it's you, not me?"

"It's true. My heart isn't in it. If we would stay together, I'd only be able to give you 20 and that's not right to either of us." Noah explained.

"But Noah, I..." Miranda stopped speaking abruptly as she noticed I was standing in the background.

"Claire!" Noah turned around and ran after me as I continued to walk. There was nothing that he could say that would change anything. If he thought he could just "take me back" like that, then he was wrong. I wouldn't _have _him.

"Wait up Claire." Noah pleaded as I sighed. I knew he was going to continue to follow me and yell my name like a jackass, so I stopped and waited for him to catch up.

"Trouble in paradise?" I wondered, trying to keep the topic away from me.

"It doesn't matter now. You see, I realized something back there." Noah began.

"And I'm guessing that you want me to pretend like a give a shit." I rolled my eyes, so ready to feel warm water rushing this sticky situation from my mind.

"Just humor me for a moment." Noah requested.

"Go ahead. I can't stop you from talking."

"I can't believe that I've been so blind." Noah began. "It's like I woke up this morning and it all made sense."

"Miranda's a whore?" I scowled. "I knew that from the beginning."

"Ouch. I see you're still envious of her."

"Yeah, we're both boyfriend-less and have our numbers written in the boy's locker room with 'easy' under it. How jealous I am." I replied sarcastically.

"I think … I think we should … do you want to go out sometime?"

I laughed. "Are you joking? After the hell you put me through Noah? You couldn't even come by my house just to spend some fucking time with me. You're just so caught up in yourself and your own self-image that I can't even believe you'd suggest that. Have you forgotten who we _are_"

"So you feel nothing towards me then?" I looked down avoiding reality. This was the very thing that I had been wishing for for so long … but the fact that it wouldn't last plagued my mind.

"Just admit that you've just lost one."

"Okay." Noah turned around.

"Okay?" I stopped confused. I didn't expect him to give up so easily like that. It just- It just didn't make any sense. I kind of expected him to fight more and to get some kind of pleasure out this. But this was anything but bliss.

"Just like that?" I tried to hide the disappointment in my voice as I sighed, which completely gave away the fact that I was actually _considering _Noah again. Damn those feelings.

"No. I apologize. I was too stupid to notice…"

"That you were an arrogant son of a bitch that will spend the rest of his existence begging for my forgiveness." I walked closer to Noah kissing him suddenly.

"And _that's _what you'll never have asshole." I whispered, not wanting him to know that he'd gotten the best of me ... almost.

"So, see you tonight? After party?" Noah wondered, hungry for more.

"That's between you and Francisco." I smirked. "And it could be serious between us. He never ditched me because I'm black," I answered, rushing back to the locker room to get some advice from Sugani, thus leaving Noah to contemplate where we stood. Granted, happily ever after didn't exist, but I could still mess with fate a little, like it had been doing with me for years.

"So you decided to come?" Francisco wondered after I had been hanging around this party for a while. For lack of a better word, it was definitely lame. Maybe being popular did have its perks. At least I used to have people to talk to, options, but now I had no one.

Well, that's being a little melodramatic. Sugani and Jennifer would give both their kidneys to me if I asked them the right way, it's just that they were off having mega fun, surrounded by people that they hadn't burned and I was just seeing the pointlessness of it all. I didn't want to bring them down either or get another pep talk.

It didn't help that Noah was MIA and I was feeling like a big fat loser.

"Claire, you okay?" Francisco appeared as though sensing my discontent.

"No. I'm hella bored." I responded, crossing my arms and frowning.

"I thought you loved partying."

"That was one crazy night ... one drink too many." I explained. "And that was supposed to make this guy come back to me who's had a million different chances, but hasn't done anything with them."

"Maybe he's just not interested."

"Then why is he showing up when my life is great? He says that he wants my heart, all of me, but when I take it out and leave it there for him, he walks in the other direction." I explained as Francisco sat down beside me on the porch swing.

"Sounds like he's confused ... and really stupid."

"Probably." I pumped my legs sluggishly as the swing got more air. "Sometimes I wish I was different then maybe it'd be different, better." I explained. "It's just so hard always being known as the black girl, the spec, the one who is at the bottom of the totem pole." I started. "But you wouldn't know anything about that."

"Of course I would. I'm Latino. Every time people see me they think I don't understand English or that I'm too stupid to do anything with my life besides work in a factory and make a shitload of kids."

I chuckled. "Wow. You are the first person I've met at this school that has just been so raw. Everyone else acts like that double standard doesn't exist." I laid my head to the side. "It's cool."

"Yeah, well you wanted your little heart to heart so--"

"You so tracked me down for that one." I joked.

"Maybe … un poco … un poquito."

"Thanks for not saying anything about my mom." I said gratefully.

"I don't know anything about her. What's she like?"

"Amy or … my real mom?" I wondered. "My real mom is dead and Amy es loca. I don't know what she's going to do or say next." I admitted to him in Spanish.

"So … you're scared?"

"Hell no. I fear nothing."

"So then, let me meet her. I want to meet to her."

"Bueno." I nodded thinking that no other damage could be done.

Just when I thought the night was over, I ran into Lizzie McGuire, who was sitting in a corner looking fearful for her life. I half-wanted to make some snide comment at her, but then I remembered what Kate said.

I wanted her to be wrong. I wanted to be better, or at least seem that way, so I sat down beside her.

"Hey Lizzie."

"Claire?" She tried to wipe her tears away quickly.

"What's the matter?"

"Why should I tell you?" She asked, not trusting me at all.

"Whatever it is, I can just go find Ethan, bring him here, and _make _him tell me."

"Ethan … please don't do that." She begged. "I've been avoiding him."

"Why?"

"Well … because … I think he wants to sleep with me." She whispered, embarrassed.

"And do you want him to?"

"I don't know. I don't know what to do or what to think--"

"So you hide from him McGuire?" I had to stop myself from laughing. This girl was a rookie and worse than me.

"Yeah, I guess it's stupid but … what was your first time like Claire?"

"My first time…" I sighed, trying to block images of Amy from my mind, but I couldn't. "Let's just say it was just as forgettable as the last time. You shouldn't do it unless you're ready, no bull shit. You only get one 'first time.'"

"But I'm not _not_ ready for it. I think I am … maybe, but I don't know what to do or what to think."

"So you want a play by play?" I asked sarcastically. "Look, I can't do that. What I can do is help you."

"How?" Lizzie looked up at me with her innocent blue eyes and I knew that I had her hooked. And inside of me there was this rising feeling that I couldn't suppress anymore.

"You just need a teacher."

"You?" Lizzie wondered expectantly.

"No. Let's say that I do know one person who really owes me a favor … Raven knows more about sex then the entire cheer squad combined." I chuckled to myself. Okay, so I was getting some perverse pleasure out of this, but it was totally hilarious and Lizzie was just so … easy. This was definitely me getting back at Ethan for everything, especially using the "n word", but Lizzie was worth the sacrifice.

(A/N: I have actually already written the next chapter after this one. I'll update it next week sometime, give or take. And then after that, there's only one more chapter to go and I'll finish my first LM fic. Review please!! --NL)


	12. Chapter Twelve: I'll Keep You My Dirty

**Chapter Twelve: I'll Keep You My Dirty Little Secret**

...

...

...

"You totally owe me on this one. Just go in and make up some bull shit. She won't know the difference." I told Raven. The room was bugged with audio things and a hidden camera.

"Why are you doing this Claire? I thought--"

"Look, Lizzie asked me for help and you're the best help I can give her besides some random guy that she can practice with."

"Whatever, but this audio and video doesn't go past Ethan, okay? I'm not planning on releasing a sex tape until I make it with a celeb." Raven answered tossing her deep brown hair to the side. "By the way, I might have to bring in reinforcements."

"May I suggest someone?" I asked as Raven shook her head in agreement.

"Scott."

"Why'd you have to go and name my ex?" She rolled her eyes. "But … I have been meaning to get back with him so … I _might _do this, but whatever I may nee--"

"I got you." I promised. "Now go and give her a first lesson." I gave Raven a little push, ignoring the nagging feeling inside of me. This was completely counter active to my efforts to completely change, but the only thing on my mind was pay back.

"So you're not going to be staying here anymore?" Sugani asked me sadly. I shook my head, crossing my legs while sitting on the bed and continuing to put away and pack up my socks and other under garments.

"I know. I have to go back." I answered. Savannah was on my mind and I had been gone for more than three weeks.

"My parents were getting used to setting an extra place for you at the table." She joined me on the bed. "If anything goes wrong and you ever need a place to stay, choose me!" Sugani screamed enthusiastically.

"I have no other comparable choice." I admitted. "So, can you believe football season is almost over?"

"No. I'm bummed. I finally get back on Varsity as a starting girl--"

"Thanks to me."

"Thanks to Claire Bear." Sugani started. "And now it's coming to this huge close. Then we have one more year until this whole high school thing is over."

"Well, we still have next semester. Prom, basketball season, and all of that so it's not over yet." I explained as my phone started ringing. And yes, _Barbie Girl _was still on it.

"Hello." I picked up immediately to stop the poison from entering my ears.

"Hola." A masculine voice breathed and I knew who it was instantly and just as suddenly I was disappointed. Noah went M.I.A. on me and the only thing I had to prove that our latest encounter had happened as my sad memory of it. It replayed over and over and over.

"Que pasa?"

"Nada y tu?"

"I am getting ready to take a whole bunch of stuff back home and I think I want you to go with me. It's really heavy." I justified as Sugani raised her eyebrows as me. I shook me head to assure her that it wasn't what she was thinking.

"I don't know if heavy lifting on the day before the _almost _last day will make coach proud. I can help you on Friday though."

"Friday?" I asked, wrinkling my forehead. Weird much?

"Yeah, after the game. You don't have any plans do you … with Noah?"

"I haven't talked to Noah in almost a week." I admitted. "So no. No post-game keg party?"

"I can sacrifice one for you."

"Well I don't want you to think you're doing me any favors." I answered full of sass.

"Not at all. I want to help you. Cool?"

"Yeah. Cool." I nodded while smiling. "See you around."

"Do I sense a new boy coming into your life for real?" Sugani looked me up and down. "So cute!"

"There's nothing going on. Francisco is going to help me move back into mom and dad's. That's it."

My cheeks started to lift into a smile as my phone rang again. Part of me still wished it was Noah, but like earlier it wasn't. Raven was calling.

"What is it?"

"I brought Scott in like you said and--"

"And what?" I asked anxiously to see if my plan had started working or not.

"It worked better than we thought. She and Scott are knocked out next to each other now and …."

"And??"

"I'm taking the pictures now," Raven said as I felt my smile widen. This was almost the perfect day. Things were working out nicely and for once, I was in complete and total control of everything.

"Hey Gani," I began trying to make this good day last even longer. "Let's go get a massage."

...

...

...

Raven got the pictures to me the next day and I had already called up Ethan and got him to meet me here, at the bleachers. She passed them to me as I did a quick flip. It totally looked like something happened between McGuire and Scott.

"These are genius." I smiled to myself. "They look so authentic."

"I know." Raven giggled. "And here's the videotape. I edited out the boring stuff and these are the originals." She handed them over eagerly. "Guard these with your life."

"I will." I responded, liking the way it felt to have so much power. I was powerful. I had so much power. Awesome power.

"See you." Raven bid farewell as Ethan and Lizzie came towards me, hand-in-hand.

"You wanted to see us?" Ethan asked, in a blissful stupor.

"Actually, just you but it's fine." I gripped the folder tightly, ready to hand it over.

Lizzie smiled at me shyly and I knew that this was going to be messy. See, whenever I used to help Kate plot and execute plans to get rid of people, there was always a clean break. People _knew _it was us, but they didn't have any proof.

Me handing Ethan the pictures in front of Lizzie was a risk and a very, very bad idea. I had to deviate and do something smoother, like get it to the coach's office addressed to Ethan. That would be trace-free.

But for right now …

"So … what is it?"

"Umm …" I searched my brain for something and then remembered Lizzie's questions about the calendar. "I want Lizzie to do a spread, possibly a solo one, for the calendar. It'll be like a sexy bunny or gazelle-like theme. I wanted to make sure it was okay with you, both of you."

"I really don't--" Lizzie began.

"That would be awesome." Ethan smiled as stupidly as ever. I grinned back. So easy … _too _easy.

"Are you sure you aren't moving out?" Francisco joked as I watched up struggle with the suitcase of stuff that I had at Sugani's.

"Maybe." I answered quietly, filling up two glasses of pink lemonade. I waited until after he made it up the stairs to hand him the glass. "Thanks."

"You're welcome." He smiled. "Where's the family?"

"Picking my dad up from the airport, so it's just us." I stated happy that Amy was out of reach.

"What do you want to do?"

"_Not _what you're thinking." I joked. "I do want to tell you that you may have been right about that guy… turns out that he flaked, majorly."

"So why are you still talking about him?"

"Because … when you've wanted something for so long, sometimes it's hard to realize that it's not going to happen and let it go." I admitted. "But on the bright side of things, we have the cheer calendar coming up … I hope you're going to support us." I sighed, even when I wasn't "on duty" as a cheerleader, I still carried that persona around.

"You look like you've got something on your mind."

"More than you know." I admitted, taking a sip of my drink. "I actually have been thinking a lot about high school, life ... my future and I want to do what you're doing."

"Which is?"

"Rotary Exchange."

"Cool." Francisco nodded. "You want to go to Spain or Mexico or ..."

"I'll go wherever you are." I joked as Francisco gave me a look reminiscent of that night I danced all over him half naked. Whatever I just threw out into the air, I had to think about away to bring it back, and fast ... especially since we were the only ones in the house and let's face it ... shit happens.

"So you're stalking _me_ now? Correct?" He joked as I smiled in amusement.

"Actually, it would just be nice to have a friend show me around and everything." I explained with a shrug. "No big deal."

"No big deal ... girl you're full of bull shit. I can see it written all over your face." He responded as if he saw what I was thinking which may or may not have been a flash me me using another boy to get over Noah, and that other boy possibly being Francisco.

"Whatev." I shrugged as the front door opened.

"Clarrie!" Savannah screamed with excitement.

"Looks like you're meeting the parents." I led the way back down the stairs and Savannah rushed into my arms.

"Mommy told that you'd be here. That makes me so happy." She proclaimed and I held her, beaming. Savannah was at least two years too old to be held, but it didn't matter to me.

"I love you too sweet heart. Hey everyone, this is Francisco. He plays on the football team that I cheer for and he's an exchange student."

"Nice to meet you." Amy answered cordially as my dad, Jeremy shook his hand.

"It's a pleasure." Francisco responded.

"Looks like we arrived at the right time." He noted, referring to us being in my room earlier.

"Don't overreact dad." I hugged him with Savannah still on my side. "He was helping me bring some stuff back into the house and now he's leaving." I put my sister down and led Francisco away from the house.

"Sorry. I've got to do family stuff … thanks though." I hugged him gratefully, trying not to make it anything more than platonic, but the way he kissed my forehead after our embrace started to make me wonder what the hell I was doing still chasing after Noah. I watched him walk off for a half a second and then hurriedly rushed back into the house. Jeremy being home meant that I could go back to pretending like everything was okay, like it didn't hurt as much as it did. That brought more than just a little happiness to my life.

...

...

...

That night things were "normal" in the sense that I rarely saw Amy and when I did, it was purely innocent. What was even better was that the next day, Jeremy had made plans for the entire family to take Savannah to fun park with bumper cars, laser tag, skating, and everything I used to love.

And the entire time that we were there, I think that Savannah enjoyed it nearly as much as I did. Amy pouted most of the time, but I barely noticed her or her black cloud until after we got home.

Jeremy was talking about making dinner, which got Savannah excited about baking a cake.

"I think I want a … chocolate one." She giggled happily.

"We don't have any cake mix. How about gingerbread cookies?" Amy wondered, searching the cabinets for something. "Well, looks like we don't have that either."

"Guess we're not having dessert tonight." I gave Savannah an apologetic look as she started to frown.

"But I want cake."

"Okay umm … I'll make a quick stop to the grocery store and I'll be back soon." Jeremy offered.

"Before you go, we need a few other things." Amy scratched down a list as my stomach started to churn at the idea of us being in the house without dad, again.

He took the list reluctantly as Savannah ran up the stairs to her room. I started to follow her, but I felt a cold, slimy hand on my shoulder. It was Amy. Like the rat she was, she had wriggled me into this situation by squeezing Jeremy out of it.

But now, with nowhere to turn to, I had no other options. Amy clutched my hand as we walked up the stairs, with me clinging to the stair railway as though it would save me. I knew what was going to happen next before it happened and it did. Before I knew it, she had strapped me to the bed post and then slithered her way towards me.

"Savannah's here." I noted before Amy reached me.

"Who cares?" She snarled back. "And just because Jeremy's home doesn't mean that anything is going to change. You play by my rules and he never finds out anything." She answered, shoving her tongue down my throat.

I nearly gagged as she let up for air, closing the door all the way. My heart dropped as low as it possibly could because I knew what was going to happen next. Amy was going to take my body, have her way with me and leave me disheveled and feeling dirty. There was nothing I could do about it. As always, she had the upper hand. I squeezed by eyes closed as tight as I could trying to ignore the breeze that passed in between my legs, signaling that I was bottomless._ Please, please God let this be over..._

* * *

(A/N: I've had this chapter sitting on a self for like four months now. Sorry. I forgot about it again. But I'm updating this one and "So Hard to Make Them Fly" tonight so check it out. And as always, please **review**. Half of the time I stop writing stories because I get no feedback and feel like I'm just wasting my time. --NL)


	13. Chapter Thirteen: Just Another Regret

**Chapter Thirteen: Just Another Regret**

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* * *

  
**

After Amy was done with me, I rushed to the bathroom for a hot shower. Jeremy was back, so I didn't have to worry about her trying to sneak in and spoil the one thing I did that cleansed me of her.

I tried to separate my mind from my body from my emotions, but all I could do was cry. This was a disaster. I flopped onto my hot pink bedspread, which was just another reminder of the whole Barbie Girl, coach bag, lemming attitude that I had been following for so long.

Something snapped inside of me and I had an urge to just get rid of it all, to finally stop being the ice princess that came so naturally to me. With tears on my face, I ripped the sheets off and the posters of the early Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera, and Ashlee Simpson from my walls.

Anything and everything that had pink on it, I got rid of. I tore down all the pictures I had of me and Kate, the wild parties, cheer squad, and everything until it was all almost bare. By the time I picked out everything to pack into a box, Savannah was calling me down for dinner.

I rushed to my bathroom for a quick make-up touch up and pulled the rest of my hair into a messy bun, but then ripped it out. That was what I started doing to my hair after watching Kate do it so many times at different slumber parties.

No, no way. I was going to do this whole thing … this life over and do it right. First, I went downstairs, picking at my food more than eating it before my phone rang.

"Sorry. I've got to answer it. It might be the people about the calendar shoot tomorrow." I rushed back into the living room, where I had left the phone and picked it up eagerly. "Hello?" I gasped, out of breath.

"Hi … Claire." Noah's voice responded on the other line. "I just called to see--"

"It's a little late isn't it? What happened to meeting me at the game a few weeks back?" I asked angrily, keeping my voice low and running up the stairs. I knew that I was supposed to be changing, but with Noah I couldn't be anything else but like this. I was going to ride this until he begged for me to forgive him.

"I-I didn't go." Noah answered lamely. "But I feel really guilty about it."

"You feel sorry for me, don't you? Well don't. I had a good time. It gave me a chance to spend more time with Francisco." I forced a hint of cheerfulness into my voice. "He's so yummy I could just--"

"That's why I'm calling now. I know it's late but--"

"Too late."

"Can we just … talk?" He offered.

"No way." I rolled my eyes.

"Claire! Are you coming back down?" Amy yelled from downstairs.

"Just a second!" I yelled back to her. "Be at my house in ten." I demanded, hanging up before he could agree or disagree. I knew Noah and he would be there as sure as Amy would get upset when I made up an excuse to leave the house.

"So … where are we going?" Noah asked as I jerked the car into the next lane over.

"I'm redecorating. So probably Ikea or some home store." I muttered, checking my phone for any missed messages. Sugani and Raven had called. Plus, there was a number I didn't recognize and a voice message. As I dialed my phone's password, I found out that the voice message was from Lizzie.

* * *

"Claire … umm … hi. It's ME! I mean … it's Lizzie. Well, umm … I'm really nervous about the squad picture and the … situation. Nothing has happened yet and even though Scott and Raven helped me out a lot … I want things to be perfect with Ethan … umm yeah so … I need your help."

A huge grin broke out on my face. This girl was so beyond desperate that it was almost cute.

"Was that from Francisco?" Noah wondered, looking at me, with dark guarded eyes.

"No, Miranda." I ignored him, driving without any hands on the wheel to apply lip-gloss for a second.

"Would you get over that? I broke up with her for you." Noah reached for my arm as I rolled my eyes in response.

"Then you disappeared." I placed my sunglasses over my eyes. "No biggie. We're not committed or even in a relationship. Today you are my room re-decorating shopping partner."

When we arrived at the store, I instinctively swerved towards the pink and lime green double sided comforters, but then restrained myself. "I want yellow." I said out loud, remembering on how Kate had been the last one to help me design my room.

She told me that pink was cute, like Barbie, yellow was too masculine, and purple was for gay pride. Back then, I wanted purple but now …purple and yellow would be perfect. They would be the perfect way to rebel and finally do what I wanted.

"Help me look for yellow and purple stuff." I told Noah who trailed closely behind me.

I started tossing my things into the shopping cart, throwing in two different comforter sets with Noah trailing close behind. As we continued to browse, I reached for his hand, which he held onto eagerly.

I hadn't forgiven him, yet but this was really nice. As we checked out the things in my cart, I could barely focus on how much everything cost. I was so tuned into Noah, the rhythm of his breath and the feel of his fingertips on mine.

I pretended to be paying attention to the lady ringing up the merchandise while really observing Noah out of the corner of my eye. I nearly giggled in delight as I swiped my debit card and left the store with Noah still attached to me.

The anticipation in the car was insane. I kept wondering what was going to happen and if Noah was finally going to step up and decide to be with me or not. We drove in silence for a while, playing with each other's hands before I spoke up.

"Please say something. I can't stand this silence."

"What should I say?"

"The truth. Is this thing between us ever going to go anywhere?" I wondered purposely focusing on the road ahead and not him. "And don't lie."

"I don't know."

"Why don't you know? Do you want this to happen or not?"

"I do but…"

"I'm too black for you?" I rolled my eyes. "I listen to the same music, wear the same clothes, drive the same cars, speak the same way as all of you guys yet I'm still not good enough."

"No. You are …" Noah whispered. "It's just that maybe … I'm not ready for this. You're so serious Claire. All the time. Why can't we just go back to being friends first?"

"Because we can't. We've never been." I whispered, pulling up to my house. "God you're a buzz kill."

"Sorry."

"Don't be." I shrugged. "Just let me do this one thing before we go back to pretending to be good friends." I demanded, leaning across the cup holders and kissing him softly. A series of tears welled up in my eyes, but I refused to let them fall … until we no longer embraced.

Instantly, I began to sob quietly, resting my head on the steering wheel. Weak, weak … I was being so weak right now. And stupid, a fool. Noah didn't want me and he was never going to want me.

"I can't do this." Noah sighed as my stomach dropped. "I can't … I don't want to be your friend either. I want something more."

"Okay." I nodded quietly. "Let's give it a shot." I whispered, scared to death about what that really meant. He hugged me affectionately and I knew that everything was going to be all right.

I woke up in a good mood. Really, I truly wanted to go to school and spread all my good energy and vibes to everyone. But, the first person I wanted to see wasn't Sugani or even Jennifer, but Noah.

* * *

Whatever he had done to me yesterday, I wanted more of it and soon. I could barely control my bounciness and kept smiling at everyone. All the while, I was looking for that one person who would keep the good waves going.

As soon as I spotted Noah, I grinned happily, which was rare for me. Ice queens never showed any real, non-planned emotions. And there was always an underlying joke or plot behind every smile, laugh, or cry. My emotions were completely unguarded and when I finally saw Noah, I wanted to run over there and show him how much I really did care.

"Noah." I waved, noting the crowd he was around, Lizzie, Ethan, Scott, Raven, and Miranda. This was going to be hilarious. "Poor Miranda" would die of embarrassment when she watched her once-boyfriend walk away with me.

"Hey Claire." Noah smiled back, looking at the floor and completely avoiding my gaze. I paused for a second as everyone continued talking in their little pairs, ignoring my presence completely.

"Noah, what's going on?" I whispered into his ear, reaching for his hand affectionately.

"We're back together." Miranda stepped in, taking some notes from me as she smirked.

"No you're not." I rolled my eyes at her and then turned back to Noah. "Since when? Yesterday?"

"Since … now." Miranda boldly answered again as I held back the urge to strangle her and get over it now.

"What about everything that happened?" I asked suddenly becoming emotional. I could feel half of me wanting to make some sharp, snide comment about the two of them and then walking off, but I couldn't. I really felt something for this guy and I had to let him know it, for real.

"You slept with him?" Scott wondered, with a smirk. "Score!"

"No. No score." I shook my head disgustedly.

"Can I at least talk to you alone and figure out what the hell happened?" I asked, stroking his arm gently. For a second Noah actually looked at me and I knew that he was feeling some of the same things that I was, but he didn't say anything.

"Look psycho boyfriend-stealer, we have to go. Or better yet … you go and we'll stay." Miranda giggled as Raven shrugged, Ethan and Scott gave each other dap and Lizzie tried to pretend like she was invisible, afraid to take sides either way.

"Noah…" My voice trailed off as he turned away from me and the others continued to talk about the cheerleading calendar. I stood there for a little while as they made me feel like I was invisible and didn't matter.

* * *

Walking down the hallway that day was a disaster. I was totally out of control and what's even worse, so were my emotions. Maybe that had a little to do with the visit of a little red friend that plagued me every month, but I just wanted to curl up in a ball and die.

I felt moisture all over my eyelashes and eventually my cheeks, rolling down until they met the floors of the high school. I was crying … in front of everyone. Once I noticed that other people were noticing this, I made a run for the nearest door.

It led me to an empty classroom where I sunk to the floor and let it all out. Noah, Amy, Kate … everything. Before I could finish my quick therapy session, someone walked into the room.

"Sorry." I mumbled, turning away from the light that was spilling into the room from the hallway.

"No worries. What's up Claire?" Francisco wondered as I jumped up and hugged him.

"Did you see what I did out there? I completely embarrassed myself."

"What exactly happened?"

"Noah and I met up yesterday and spent the whole day together. So, naturally I thought that we were moving on to something more and it may seem like I'm jumping to conclusions because we had this beautiful moment last night and … he just made me feel like shit in front of everyone." I sighed, wiping the rest of the tears from my face. I looked to Francisco for comfort.

"No, you made yourself look like shit."

"What?" My demeanor changed as he gave me a response that I wasn't expecting.

"You gave him all the power and let him treat you any way he wanted."

"But Noah completely led me on. You should've heard what he said last night." I argued.

"And you're crying over this? You want me to feel sorry for you?" Francisco asked as I nodded.

"I want someone to care."

"Yeah, well I cannot be that person. There are people with real problems out there Claire. Wake up and get over it. You have nothing to complain about. Get over it."

"I won't get over it." I responded. "Are you seriously doing this to me right now? Don't do this to me … don't get on my bad side." I threatened.

"See you later and … just let it go." Francisco repeated, leaving me in the room alone.

My anger rose and I realized not only that boys suck, but that I was back to only having Sugani and Jennifer to count on. Knowing that was going to make this entire plot going around in my head work.

Today we were going to do the photo shoot for the calendar and after our pictures came out, everyone would regret ever haven gotten on my bad side.

I had the perfect pictures to ruin Lizzie, Raven, and Miranda. By getting to them, I'd also get back at Ethan, Scott, and Noah…

* * *

(A/N: Review!--NL)


	14. Chapter Fourteen: Sweet Surrender

**Chapter Fourteen: Sweet Surrender**

(A/N: This is a double-sized chapter, but make sure to review it! --NL)

**Part One**

* * *

I got my revenge. The best part was that there was no tangible evidence to connect it to me. I did it, no doubt, but I would never openly admit it. I turned the calendar pictures in on time with the back cover photos on top. Sugani and Jennifer went with me, the printing editor signed off on them, and there were a couple of newspaper geeks in the place that witnessed the entire transaction. The photos were even approved in front of the editor.

When I saw the print editor in the hallway later that day, I caused a little high school avalanche, causing the photos to fly everywhere and when no one was looking, I dropped the new pictures onto the floor and slyly kicked the "clean" ones away.

By the time that I got to school the next day, everyone was buzzing about something and I knew what it was. I tried not to smile too brightly though. It was hard, especially when Sugani rushed up to me.

"Tell me you were the genius that put this together." She grinned, tossing the calendar at me.

"You were there when I turned in the pages." I answered with a shrug. "Are we selling well or something?"

"Selling. We're sold out. The faculty doesn't know exactly what they've been selling yet and this part about additional pictures on this website … brilliant."

"What website?" I snatched up the book and flipped through it. January was Sugani dressed like a sexy Eskimo. February had Nadia, and Blanca dressed as Cupid's Helpers. Jennifer was an Irish-themed cheerleader for March.

I got my birth month, July I continued flipping until I got to November where Raven and Lizzie were pictured together almost completely naked, kissing, and totally provocative.

December had Miranda's face with a hairy man's body. Hilarious.

"Who did this?" I yelled at the nearest person to me in the hallway. "Who ruined our calendar?"

"Ruined? It's the top seller. Isn't that what you wanted?"

"Not like this. This makes us look … cheap, really cheap." I sighed, getting angry.

"Look on the bright side." Sugani offered.

"Which is?"

"Your July Humanitarian picture looks awesome and … Miranda's a man!" She exclaimed as I shushed her, but not without laughing first. Check.

After being interrogated by Ms. Carpenter, Miranda, Lizzie, Ethan, Scott, Raven, and the entire student body, I was ready to go home to not have to lie about what I did. Jeremy was still home, meaning that I would be safe.

* * *

I skipped into the house humming a tune from Mary J. Blige. Since I was in my own house, free from the constraints of high school, I could listen to her or India Arie in my newly decorated lavender and yellow room.

Knowing that I won again made me happy, really glad. Now, I could relax a little.

"Claire!" Savannah rushed to hug me as I picked her up.

"Don't pick her up so much or she's get spoiled." Jeremy explained.

"I not spoiled." Savannah put on her best baby voice.

"Being spoiled isn't always a bad thing." I expressed. "And as long as I can, I'll pick you up. Shh. Don't tell daddy."

"I love you Claire." She whispered as I walked into the living room to see what dad was up to.

"Where's Amy?"

"Out getting a surprise for you."

"A surprise? For what?" I put Savannah down on the couch beside me.

"For being a great kid. You deserve it and actually … it was her idea." Jeremy answered as I nodded. So, she was trying to bribe me with expensive presents. Ha. I'd let Amy give me whatever gifts she wanted, but would promise nothing.

"Do I get a hint as to what it is?"

"It's a car!" Savannah spilled the beans.

"Savannah …" I fake-whined. "So, what kind?"

"A Cheetah!"

"Cheetah?"

"She means a Jaguar." Jeremy smiled, resuming scribbling down notes on a piece of paper.

"I helped pick it out." My little sister boasted.

"Ooh. You're so sweet. Give me a kiss."

"What kind of kiss?" She asked as I scrunched up my nose in surprise. I didn't think she knew about other kisses besides ones on the cheek.

"A regular one?" I shrugged.

"Not like one mommy gives you?" She wondered. "I saw the two of you on the bed. Mommy was on top of you. Did she hurt you?" My jaw dropped as did my heart. I didn't want Jeremy to find out at all.

I closed my eyes hoping that she was so enamoured with his scribbling that our conversation had escaped his ears.

"What kind of kiss?" He looked at me accusingly. "Go upstairs honey." Savannah obeyed, but not without pouting. "What kind of kiss was it?" I could see how this was going to pan out before it happened. My fault.

"Why don't you ask Amy? She's been doing things to me since I moved in here." I muttered, my chin quivering. By me saying these things out loud, it made it real. This was my life I was living, not some stupid self-help reality stint or a sappy Lifetime movie about an abused wife.

I was the abused one. I was the one being made less of…

"I'm going to go stay with a friend … Kate or somebody. I'm sorry about everything…" I rushed off, rushing off to pack. A few minutes later, Amy was back and she and Jeremy were arguing.

"Claire … I got you a gift." Amy stated as I walked down the stairs with a suitcase behind me.

"I don't want it."

"Take it Claire and … go. We've got some things to talk about." Jeremy sighed as I took off in the 'blood money' Jaguar Amy just picked out for me.

* * *

"Who is it?" Kate yelled as I walked into her house. She hid the house key at the back door.

"It's me." I called back, dropping the heavy bags that I had packed from home. I had been doing that a lot lately.

"Wow. They sure tore you down fast." Kate narrowed her eyes at me, looking very content with herself.

"Actually … no. I need a place to stay."

"Did yours burn down?"

"No. It's a long story."

"Which I'm sure you'll tell me. Go put your stuff in the spare room. I'll be in the living room." Kate yawned, as I did what I was told. It was sort of a habit with Kate and I told myself to snap out of it.

"I'll do that later." I countered, running back down the stairs that I had half run up already.

"Did they tear you down that quickly? I would've given you at least until prom." Kate grinned, victoriously.

"Actually, this has nothing to do with school. Everything's peachy there."

"Noah too?"

"Old news." I shrugged, looking away from Kate.

"That's one thing that's still bothering you… and the other must be home life?" Kate reclined in the chair. "What could be so horrible about your life that you're intruding on mine?"

"It's Amy … Jeremy found out about what's been going on."

"So you ran away? Why? Amy is cool."

"Amy is a sick evil person. She told me that she's in love with me and has been doing sexual stuff to me since after my parents died." I complained, surprised at how easily all of this was flowing from my mouth.

"What are you bitching about?" Kate snipped giving me a glare. "Amy taught me everything I know. Anything I could possibly want to know how to do, I learned from her."

"You mean she … molested you too?"

"Don't say it like that. It sounds dirty." Kate pulled her hair into a messy bun. "She taught me, schooled me in the ways of the world."

"That's great Kate … I don't mean it like that." I recovered once she gave me a look. "It means that … we're in this together. Together the two of us can put her away for--"

"Shut it up before you finish that statement. I love Amy." Kate explained. "I'd never do anything to hurt her, especially since she's been visiting me a lot more than you have lately."

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying keep your little stories to yourself. We all know that you're lying Claire."

"But--"

"No buts. Mouth shut."

"I was but … Jeremy found out today."

"All Jeremy knows is that you have a little thing for your step mother. It's normal for girls who don't have mothers do idolize their surrogate mother. It's okay." Kate tried to convince me with a hug.

"Are you serious?"

"Come on Claire. Who's going to believe it?"

"You're really sick, don't you know that? I'm coming to you and telling you how my stepmother has been _raping _me since I was a _child _and all you can say is that I'm imagining it." I started pacing back and forth. "God, I wish I was! I wish it was reversed and I was the sick one imagining us in bed together _naked, _but unfortunately it's my reality … and I need to be free of it." I added.

"I thought I could come to you for advice." I calmed down a little.

"You want advice, okay … Jeremy doesn't know anything as long as we all keep our mouths shut, got it?" Kate wondered accusingly.

"You talked to her didn't you? This whole conversation hasn't even surprised you, not once." I concluded, not believing that Kate could be this horrible.

"Calm down Claire. You're being so over the top. Amy is on our side. Maybe she's a little forceful or persistent, but she cares about us."

"You say it like you're in a relationship with her."

"Maybe I am." Kate shot back as I gave her a disgusted look. "Kidding. She's like _family._ Like a better version of me." She added, pouting and tilting her head to the side just enough so that half of it fell over her shoulders perfectly. I could tell that she wasn't taking this seriously and it was pissing me off. "I can tell you're getting angry Claire but seriously, how sick would it be if I thought of her that way?"

"No sicker than you letting her get away with hurting not only you, but me too." I responded, but knowing that Amy had already won this battle.

"I won't let you drag any of our names through the mud. No one else finds out." Kate said in her normal queen bee voice as though she still exercised a certain power over me.

"Goodbye Kate."

"I'm serious. If people thought that I _liked it, _they'd think I was a dyke and I couldn't have that…" Her voice trailed off as we both realized that we had both heard too much. Kate swallowed slowly, looking at me carefully. "Don't you dare say a word to anyone about this. Ever." She demanded.

"Whatever Kate." I rolled my eyes, annoyed things were exactly the same between us as they used to be. I guess that I thought if I changed myself, somehow the world and everything around me would follow suit. But I had forgotten that _change _wasn't in Kate's personal dictionary.

"Remember who you're dealing with!" She yelled at me again, furious at having lost the battle.

"You're not the boss of me. Not now, not anymore." I picked up my things and carried them back into the car, pausing only to make one last desperate call.

"Francisco … I need a place to stay…"

* * *

**Part Two**

* * *

A couple of weeks had passed since Jeremy found out about Amy and there was still no consensus on what was going to happen, at least if there was, I didn't know anything about it.

I was back to intruding on not only Sugani, but Jennifer too. I was overstaying my welcome with both of them and I could feel it, but I really didn't have anywhere else to go. Not now, not yet.

Coming face to face with Jeremy again chilled me to the core. I didn't want to know what he thought about me, how it had changed his image of me as a 'good kid' and role model for Savannah.

Just when I thought I'd figured out my life, something new was thrown in my path. And here I was sitting face to face with it, giving it a chance.

"I'm really glad that you decided to meet me here." I began softly, mimicking the words I had written down on the paper seamless. So what? I was still speaking from the heart … just not of the heart of the moment.

"I'm surprised you want anything to do with me."

"Let me finish." I cut in. "We both have been so stupid about this situation and I'm willing to let the past stay where it should be. Basically Noah … I have feelings for you and…" My mind kept trailing off. I couldn't remember what I had written anymore. The lines were blurring from my mind with only the currently reality of the situation on my mind.

"And?"

"Make this easy on me." I begged. "Just tell me how you feel."

"I kind of like the idea of you putting yourself out there, which you never do by the way Claire."

"You know what? Fuck it. I'm through with this run and chase game." I stood up angrily, slinging my purse over my shoulder. Who cared it if made a really loud sound when my chair skidded across the floor? What did it matter that everyone in this diner had stopped to look at us? I was pissed.

"Claire. Where are you going? Why are you leaving?"

"I'm tired of pretending Noah, like this is going to work. How can it when you ran every fucking time it gets a little uncomfortable? I'm sick of being left high and dry." I answered, ignoring the stares. People could be so nosy sometimes.

"Do you think you make it easy on me?"

"What?" I stopped, caught off guard. Who said this had anything to do with him and _his _feelings? This was all about me.

"Half the time I don't know what to say to you … if you love me or hate me and with everyone else, you know how it is. It's easier to--"

"pretend." I finished for him with a nod. "So, what do we do?" I wondered as Noah looked at me so deeply that I was willing to accept any proposal he was going to give me.

"We make it work."

"It won't matter what anyone else thinks." I added. "This will be for us, about us and … we'll surprise them at prom." I added so as to protect myself from having another embarrassing crying display in front of everyone, which reminded me that I still had to clear that up.

"I'm so glad to hear you say that." He whispered, holding me close to him and kissing me like I was his life force, his light through the dark tunnel, his … everything.

* * *

Now that I had Noah back, there was one more thing left to do ... damage control. Everyone saw me cry when Noah dissed me and then for days after that. I was bawling, eyes red, brown skinned stained with tears and everyone was talking about how the ice queen finally melted.

When cheer practice started this afternoon, I knew the best thing to do was explain why I had been such an absent, and emotionally distraught captain and eventually the word would spread.

"Hey everyone! I have an announcement to make." I walked over to the crowd of girls sitting on the gym floor and stretching. They looked up at me like I was some sort of outcast or something which made me a little insecure. I had never been so insecure in front of a group of girls that I ruled over before.

I had to get this out quickly before it got caught in my throat ... and mind.

"I know that the past two weeks I've been less than a great captain. I've actually been slacking a little ... emotionally unstable, withdrawn and clearly not what this squad deserves to have but now that I'm starting to feel like my old self, I want to explain to everyone why this happened."

"We already know why." Raven spat out with a smirk.

"Then enlighten me."

"Noah DiAngelo dumped you in front of everyone. You stalked him down and tried to steal him from me, but he doesn't want you, never did." Miranda answered, her voice boasting as though she won some sort of prize.

"Is that what everyone thinks?" I asked, playing innocent. "Ridiculous. Noah and I have not ever been together in any romantic way and nor will we ever be." I lied through a mischievous smile. "I actually had a very close family member pass away ... my step-mother's sister. She was like another mother to me and I just couldn't take it."

"Sure." Miranda answered, skeptical. "Then why the breakdown in front of us after talking to Noah?"

"I was hanging out with Noah the day before when it happened. She didn't pass until that evening and I was supposed to visit her this weekend, but chose to stay here instead. I felt really guilty and wanted to talk to Noah about it, but when he was less than supportive and with everything I was dealing with ... I felt so alone. I was dealing with this huge thing--"

"Why wait until now to tell us?"

"I was ashamed. I thought I was stronger than that. I thought I could handle it and didn't want to burden anyone with my problems. I'm so sor--"

"Enough with the Dawson's Creek revival." Sugani stepped in, saving me before I could dig my lie even deeper. "We're here to cheer and come together as a squad, not play detective."

I winked at her quickly before joining the girls in stretching. That was easy.

* * *

"I do not believe that story for a milisecond. What's the real deal?" Sugani asked, hooking her arm in mine.

"I think you might smell worse than I do." I joked talking about our after-practice sweat fest. Coach Carpenter was really serious about us training for the invitational. That meant running 3 miles, chin-ups, and flexibility drills ... after a two and a half hour practice.

"Be serious." She demanded.

"You know why I was a wreck, but he's totally redeemed himself now."

"What did he do to get back in your great graces?" Francisco wondered in this thick Spanish accent.

"Stalker, I thought I was too spoiled to be associated with you."

"No, but you keep letting this guy make you cry. That's not smart."

"That's my business." I rolled my eyes. "But anyway, we're actually official now."

"Since when?" Sugani spat out, surprised.

"A couple of weeks."

"So it's new." Francisco noted.

"Why haven't I seen you two together in the hallways?" Sugani questioned.

"It's a secret relationship. My idea." I finished before they could ask.

"If I was with someone that I cared about, I'd want everyone to know about it."

"Some people enjoy privacy." I responded.

"Noah is weak, stupid, a jerk, and he doesn't deserve you. He can't even handle being with you in front of everyone. These are things you told me so why are you going back on them now?" Sugani asked.

"Because ... when someone gets you, you don't just throw them out because they're imperfect. You deal with it."

"You can't change a leopard's spots." Francisco added.

"He's want I want, spots and all."

* * *

"Why so happy?" Jennifer wondered, studying me carefully.

"Why so concerned?" I shot back, rolling my eyes but continuing to smile. Life felt so great to me right now that it was difficult not to.

"You just lost a family member." She explained.

"My naïve little sister," Sugani began, "you have to learn to read in between the lines. Claire didn't lose a family member. She lost her emotional self to a guy. It happens to the best of us."

"Thanks for blowing my cover." I chimed in. "But I no longer have a reason to walk around pouting about that. Everything is so perfect for me. I wish this moment could last forever." I admitted, spotting Noah walk down the hallway.

His body stiffened as he noticed me and we both fought the urge to run to each other and walk down the hallway hand in hand.

"God, what a loser." I muttered under my breath, secretly smirking to myself. Noah and I would have our one-on-one time a little later today … and right under everyone's nose.

"A loser that you're totally into." Sugani added.

"Wait, I thought Noah was over." Jennifer wondered, confused as I shrugged in response. "And what about Francisco?"

"What about him?"

Sugani and Jennifer exchanged looks.

"Look, I know what you're thinking. And you're wrong. We hang out, chill, have fun … and it totally does _not _go beyond that. We're so platonic that both of you could be dating him and I wouldn't even care."

* * *

"Am I boring you?" I asked, noticing that Noah was not looking at me at all, and he was especially avoiding eye contact.

"No, but I don't know how to act around you anymore, not since we decided to become ..."

"A couple?" I finished for him, taking Noah's hands gently. God, I was being so compassionate which was uncharacteristic of me. I cared, of course, but I was showing it a little too much for my personal liking. "It kind of freaks me out too." I admitted with a smirk.

"Yeah. I can't wait to see the look on everyone's faces when we show up together at prom." Noah grinned, letting go of my hand for my second to hand me a box. "For you."

I held the box in my hands like it was my lifeline or something, and then opened it carefully. Whenever a boy handed you a box, it was serious. Like marriage or maybe even life or death serious, but I knew Noah wasn't crazy enough to be proposing to me, so that thought calmed me down, a little.

"Two tickets?" I opened the box, a little underwhelmed by what was inside.

"I was thinking that we could totally go on a winter-spring vaca together and just ... decide some things." Noah explained seriously. Uh-oh. That always meant that there was more than just a little speed bump in the way.

"What's to decide? We're staying together." I answered, closing the box quickly. It was starting to give me eerie chills.

"I'm going to graduate early Claire--"

"Define early."

"This year ... this summer at the latest so, this whole high school thing is pretty much over for me."

"Donezo??" I nearly screamed heartbroken. Next year was supposed to be the year when I completely did away with conformity, the majority, conservatism and just spat on it in clear defiance. Noah had been a huge part of that ploy, but without him I was suddenly thinking that it was going to be just another year of high school and not some ground-breaking revolution like I was hoping.

"I can't believe you'd do this to me."

"What's keeping me there? I have more than enough credits to graduate and I'm ready for it." Noah countered, trying to make me see it his way, but I wouldn't. I only saw it one way, the right way ... my way.

"Me. Isn't that reason enough? Can't you just suck it up and stay for me?"

"That's really selfish Claire, even for you."

"My self-centeredness never seemed to bother you before." I sighed, tossing the box back to him.

"What does this mean? You're not going?"

"Do I even matter to you at all?" I wondered, dramatically. Maybe I was overdoing it a little, but this was major plan deviation.

"You do, a lot, which is why I want this sneaking around thing to end. I want to show everyone that you're mine and I'm yours." He whispered in my ear, while hugging me sensitively.

"You're serious?" I looked up at him, his entire body telling me that he was. I could feel the energy flowing to me in a way that I had never felt with anyone else, but that was mostly because I didn't deal with people on the emotional level, just mentally. As long as I could dominate, it didn't matter what level I was on, but Noah was starting to dominate me.

He was making me weak by making me believe that he was being truthful with me. I hated being vulnerable and backed into a corner, which was what he was doing to me now, and exactly what he did that day I called him up and told him about life before Hill Ridge High.

"Fine." I gave in, but then the old Claire flared up, bringing a new perspective to this situation for me. The quick-thinker as always, I had a new plan formulating, but I needed more time to think it out.

* * *

(A/N: One more chapter to go! I'll finally finish a Lizzie McGuire fic. Review. –NL)


	15. Chapter Fifteen: I Must Pay

* * *

**Chapter Fifteen: I Must Pay for My Mistakes**

* * *

When I came back to cheer practice, after having missed for no apparent reason, damage control was the first thing on my list. I had to nip this Miranda thing in the bud and stop anyone, who thought I was weak, from challenging me.

Walking through the hallways past Noah was torture and honestly I should've been used to that by now, I wasn't because this time I knew we were together and we felt the same way about each other, but we couldn't show it … my rules.

So every time I saw him, I flicked him off trying to maintain the image that we hated each other. Of course, when no one else was looking, we snuck into any empty class room or the boys locker room just to be alone. One time we had to hide in one of the lockers, which about killed me from the mere stench of the funky football team.

But it was still worth it. I couldn't wait until 4th period today so that we could skip and be together. I loved the feel of his lips caressing mine. It was beyond beautiful.

* * *

"Let's start with your parents. I want to meet them." I said suddenly.

"It's too messy … th-they don't live together."

"Fine. We'll start with your mom. I want to meet your mom." I demanded boldly as the two of us walked along the park, me skipping 4th period drawing class while he backed out of anatomy and physiology. This was only the millionth time I had made this request, but had not seen it carried through. I could only imagine what excuse Noah would give me this time.

"Why?"

"Because she had you. She raised you and I want to know everything about her … and your dad."

"Well, that's not going to happen. My parents are separated." Noah replied as I looked at him sadly.

"But you said before it was fine. My parents are sick yours are … separated. Wait a second … Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because it's not important. They'll get back together." He answered securely as Claire stopped to think for a second. Noah actually knew nothing about her parents, the fact that Amy wasn't really her mom and Jeremy was just an uncle. She shrugged, that was the image that fit along with her persona and right now, if she mentioned the name Amy, Claire was sure that she'd either kill someone in rage or burst into dramatic sobby tears.

"I'm sorry that it makes you sad." I whispered, wrapping my arms around his back and looking up at his gorgeous face. This just felt so _good_. "But I love you so that should make you happy, right?" I probed, kissing Noah carefully before he could say something to ruin the moment.

"So we'll have a contest. Whoever has the sickest parents win … and no running away this time Noah." I looked at him intently as he nodded in agreement. Finally a moment of peace.

It wasn't until we met up at his place a couple of nights later that I realized that I'd admitted how deep my feelings were for him. And it made me so nervous to think about. I mean … what if it completely turned him off?

* * *

Most girls would be nervous to meet the mother of their boyfriend, but I wasn't. I was feeling this huge high off of everything working out the way that I wanted that I couldn't think about anything else except when I was going to see Noah again.

As I slid out of the driver's seat of my new car I could feel Noah's attention being drawn completely to me. He was waiting at the front door and I loved watching how he seemed to come alive when he saw me.

I knew I was a fearsome sight, with my yellow halter mini-dress that brought out the golden brown tone of my skin. I had let my hair run wild today with loose curls scraping at my neck. The entire look made my deep brown eyes pop.

"Wow."Noah sighed breathlessly, all the worry disappearing from his face. "Your hair is--"

"Crazy. I know. I didn't have time to straighten it."

"Look, before we go in I just want to say--" Noah started but I placed a solitary finger over his mouth, silencing him.

"I don't need a pep talk. I can handle anything, anywhere, anytime." I promised as he caressed my face lightly. "Let's go." I demanded before he could stare me down and make me want to do something with him that would make me look less-than-perfect … if anyone else was going to be at the DiAngelo house.

"Okay then." Noah swallowed nervously, placing his hand on the small of my back.

"You look magical." He whispered to me, walking me towards the house. I didn't know what to expect. I'd never actually been in Noah's house before, but it looked way more … normal than I thought it would be. And that's not a bad thing. Unlike my house and Kate's, it looked like someone lived there, like there was a lot of _love_ there.

"Wow … what do you have planned?" I asked, grinning confidently still not feeling nervous, but anxious. I was so happy to be going somewhere with Noah where it didn't matter if people knew that we were together or not. We were on safe territory. Noah led me into the house, his reassuring grip made me feel better as I realized that this was a set-up. I was face-to-face with Noah's family.

"I'd like you to meet … my mom." He introduced me to the oldest woman sitting at the table, surrounded by four men who all looked at least a couple of years older than Noah and a tan girl who had no business bleaching her hair blonde. But I tried not to think bad thoughts and just let it go.

"Nice to meet you." I said sincerely, reaching for everyone's hand, saving Noah's mom for last. She gave me a once over glance, barely touched my hand and then focused her attention back to the other girl who had come with Marco, one of her five sons.

I brushed it off, trying to remain as calm yet charming as always, but for some reason tonight I was off, super off. Noah's brothers seemed to be opening up to me, but I couldn't get Ms. DiAngelo to look at me for more than a minute and every time she did, her nose would scrunch up like she just smelt dog shit or something.

Needless to say when I had the chance to help her bring out dessert from the kitchen, I took it.

* * *

"That dinner was delicious Ms. DiAngelo. You're a fabulous cook."

"Hmm. I should be. Years of culinary school." She responded smugly.

"And your sons are so polite--"

"I bet you're going to say that I raised them well, which I already know." Ms. DiAngelo did the finishing touches on the dessert, which made it look delicious and I truly hated sweets. She neared me and then said in an impossibly low voice, "I do however question how well I raised Noah though … you know him bringing _you _here."

"Excuse me?" I asked, shocked wondering if I had just heard her make a dig at me.

"That dress is positively revealing dear and if you're thinking on getting your hands on any of my other sons, forget it."She placed three plates of cakes and sweets on her hands and arms.

"I can help you really…" I offered, trying to pretend like what she said didn't bother me, but it clearly did.

"The only way you can help is by leaving as soon as this dinner is over. And stop harassing my son. I know how your kind is and I don't take the idea of premature grandchild as amusing."

I stood in the kitchen, dumbfounded as Ms. DiAngelo nearly walked through me, stepping on the tip of my right toe, seeing herself out of the kitchen.

I wanted to go back in there and knew that I should back in there, but I couldn't. My _kind_? What the hell was she talking about? And then it hit me. Noah making up those excuses about why I couldn't see his parents … it was because he knew that they'd hate me.

Well, I wasn't going to take this lying down. I blew air into my eyes to stop the tears that had started to form and marched back into the dining room.

"We thought you had been swallowed up by the oven or something." Nick joked as Ms. DiAngelo continued her conversation with Lily, the blonde girl, not even looking at me.

I smiled, trying to think of the most clever Clairiest comeback ever, but I had nothing. I sat down quietly, pulling away from Noah's hand under the table as he paused for a moment and then kept eating. When dessert was finally over, I was ready to hop into my stupid Jaguar and drive back to my house, regardless of what was going to happen.

"Whoa. Whoa. Claire! Where are you going?" Noah chased after me, the napkin that he'd had in his lap falling to the ground.

"I've got to get out of here." I answered, simply wishing that I could walk faster in these heels. Leave it to me to wear 4 ½ inch hooker shoes.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." I lied, clinching my jaw to keep from spilling the truth.

"Well did she say something to you or what?" Noah blurted out as I rushed back over to him.

"You _knew _this was going to happen?"

"There's a reason why I didn't want you to meet my parents Claire, and it has nothing to do with you." He admitted, looking extremely embarrassed.

"Well, I want to know what it is."

"My mom's really particular about our girlfriends and even our friends sometimes … what I'm saying is is that she doesn't like people like you."

"Like _me_?" I placed my hands on my hips defensively. "Now what does that mean?"

"Don't make me say it Claire … my mom doesn't like people who aren't white, especially when they come from parents like yours."

"Like mine?"

"Yeah, your mom's white and your dad's black." He answered. "Look, I'm really sorry that she acted like that. I told her to be respectful--"

"_Respectful_?? She accused me of carrying your love child." I started pacing angrily. I couldn't believe that people so ignorant and … clueless as Ms. DiAngelo still existed. _What the hell!_

"Look, I'm sorry that you had to go through that tonight, but my brothers … they all think you're amazing."

"But your mom thinks I'm a good for nothing nigger. Is that what she told you?"

"Claire …" Noah tried to calm me down shocked that I had used the taboo 'the n- word' but by the way Ms. DiAngelo had been treating me, I knew that word had been floating around that household a lot.

"No, tell me! Is that what she said about me when you told her I was black?" He avoided my gaze, which spoke volumes. "And did you tell her that I was _half _black, thinking that it would ease her mind a little?" I shook my head in disgust.

"Claire, please. I'm so sorry." He reached for me and I let him hug me for about half a minute before pushing him off.

"No! I can't do this. I can't … you knew what she was like, but you didn't tell me and you wouldn't **stand up** for me. The whole night she was making digs at me, at what I was wearing, my personality, my … _hair _and you just let her. It really makes me wonder if deep down you think the same way as her."

"I don't Claire. Please just listen--"

"No, you listen. Tell your _mother _that she's not only a racist _bitch _but _she's _the nigger. She's the useless one. She's the scapegoat, the one that doesn't belong the …" I couldn't finish my sentence. Everyone that was in the house had come outside and they were watching me, Ms. DiAngelo held a look of triumphed victory.

"Oh, by the way _mom _… you were right about one thing … I _am _carrying Noah's child. Yeah … I fucked him and it was worth it." I smirked with pure hatred running through my vains, lying just to see the look of pain and disgust on her face. Now, I had made her feel what I was feeling and it felt so good. I hopped into my Jaguar and sped off, not even wanting to look back.

* * *

As I neared Francisco's house, I hopped out of the car and rang the door bell. Lucky for me, he answered because I looked like a hot mess. There was no denying that.

"Before you tell me people have problems that are worse than mine … I know, but can you just let me wallow in it for a while … and take me out to get wasted so I can forget this night ever happened?" I cried, hugging Francisco and surrendering my keys as I let mascara-stained tears drip all over the black shirt that he had on.

He nodded, half dragging me to the car as I sat in the passenger's seat, crying like a child muttering over and over again how much I never wanted to see Noah DiAngelo's face again.

* * *

The next morning, I couldn't remember a thing, but I did know what I wanted to sleep more and that the early-morning sun rays were _not _letting me do that. "Turn it off." I mumbled as Francisco came into my view.

"Shh. Are you trying to get me in trouble?"

"No … where am I? What happened last night?" I groaned wishing that my head would just stop throbbing. It hadn't hurt this bad since I did that striptease at Kate's ages ago. And once again, Noah was at fault.

"Nothing. I took care of you."

"And let me get wasted."

"You needed it." Francisco shrugged, pulling a shirt over his head as I sat up suddenly. I was sleeping in a bed that … didn't belong to me. The covers looked tossled, my _dress _was on the floor.

"Oh no. _God _no." I mumbled hysterically, thinking that Francisco and I had slept together. To think, I finally lost my virginity and I couldn't even remember it?

"Tranquila. No pasó nada." He explained as I calmed down. "I just got some PJs for you."

"Gracias a Dios!" I yelled triumphed.

"Shh." He rushed over to me, covering my mouth. "You're not supposed to be here."

"Funny, I seem to get that feeling everywhere I go …" I rubbed my temples, trying to ease the pain. It only made my head pulsate even more. "I have to get out of here."

"Yeah." He answered. "But first take this." Francisco handed me three aspirins and some water. "And then drink this afterwards." He handed me a cup and I sniffed it in disgust.

"This smells like--"

"It works. In an hour you'll feel normal." He admitted as his phone started to ring. "Hello? Yeah, what's up … no I'm not doing anything … yeah, I forget about that…" I tuned into his conversation as I watched his cheeks start to rise into a smile. Did he have a _girlfriend_? Maybe I didn't hear about her because of all my Noah traumarama?

* * *

What I was doing made sense. It had to. The whole running around and avoiding Jeremy … I couldn't do it. He talked to me about therapy like I was the sick one, but I'd blown it off this morning. When I left Noah's house last night the only thing I could think about was forgetting.

Alcohol was a pro at helping me do that, so to expect me to have it together for an 8am Wednesday sessions was asking too much. At least I we had the rest of the week off so I could think about how I was going to act when Monday rolled around.

I definitely couldn't let Sugani know that she'd been right. Francisco's mouth was shut, he never told about Amy so I trusted him, but I didn't want to hear a bunch of people tell me that I was stupid. I was. But it was worse knowing that Noah was oh so much more stupid.

"Hello … is anyone home!" I yelled, staying close to the front door in case I had to run.

"Claire. Is that you?" Jeremy came bounding down the steps, hugging me suddenly.

"Oh, wow."

"I want to tell you that I've handled this situation so poorly. I thought that--"

"I was the problem." I finished for him. "It would be easier to believe. To know that you married that type of person must drive you crazy. And with Savannah in the house--"

"She's spending the rest of the year with her grandmother." Jeremy sighed. "But Amy's still here."

"What?" I dropped my hands, pulling away from him. "You send your _child _away to keep that _molester_?"

"I was thinking that we're family Claire and maybe family counseling can help us through this."

"That's pathetic." I sighed to myself suddenly wishing that my own parents weren't dead. "So you want me to go back to pretending not to be scared for my life and living here?"

"Actually no. I found a place for you Claire. I thought about it and you'll be going to university soon. This is just a starting point … how do you feel about your own place?" Jeremy wondered, throwing so many curve balls at me that I started to feel super-overwhelmed.

"Come again."

"I don't think you living here with Amy is such a great idea."

"So you send me _and _Savannah away for her?" I questioned.

"She needs help."

"Then let her find it on her own. No matter what program she goes into or what she says, I'll always know what's in the back of her mind. I'll always remember how she groped me and made me do things … maybe you asking me to move out is the best thing." I suggested, running up the stairs. "I'm going to pack my things."

"They're already packed." Jeremy explained, looking down at his hands. "Do you want to go with me and see your new place?" He offered and although I wanted to say some really horrible words to him, I just shrugged. I was getting what I wanted, in a way.

* * *

"Your own place? That's **amazing**." Jennifer gushed after I revealed the news to her in the hallway.

"It's not yet, but it's going to be after you and Sugani help me decorate. Speaking of which … where is she?"

"Probably out with her new boy toy. She's been very secretive about him and I don't even know who he is." Jennifer informed me as I stopped to think to myself … I didn't know who he was either in fact, I didn't know Sugani had a _he_.

"Well, I am tired of boy talk. Boys are off my list for now." I declared as I saw an unthinkable sight ahead of me, Sugani wrapped in Francisco's arms in what was more than just an innocent kiss.

"Ah!! He must be him."

"Yeah." I nodded, backing away slowly. "Jen, tell everyone that I'll catch up later."

* * *

(A/N: One more chapter to go. It's already written so I'll probably post it tomorrow~ --NL)

* * *


	16. Chapter Sixteen: Life Would be Boring if

**Chapter Sixteen: Life Would be Boring if it were Simple**

* * *

Here I was kicking rocks, literally. Who did that at my age? At least by doing this I felt like I had some control. Jeremy had already chosen his own pathetic love life over his daughter _and _niece. What kind of man still wanted a woman who molested teenage girls?

I shrugged it off. Jen had come over to help me put the finishing touches on my new place and I had guilt-ed Jeremy into hiring someone to help me decorate and move everything into the apartment. I slid back into the cushiony seats feeling relieved that it was all over.

"I can't believe your parents got this for you." Jennifer gushed. "You are _so _lucky. I would kill to have a place of my own."

"It's a little weird though." I admitted with a sigh, still a little down from the last time I saw Noah. Why couldn't he just stand up for me? Just once. "very weird." I added, reminding myself that now was not the time to go off into my own mind and drive myself crazy with my thoughts.

"What's so weird about it? You've seventeen and you have your own place. Seventeen."

"It's not as great as it seems. I live alone. I don't come home to anyone…" I started to list off everything that was wrong with this situation without explicitly divulging all of the Amy details.

"Sounds like you need to invite Noah over."

"About that … Noah's over. And this time it's probably for good."

"I'm sorry." Jennifer hugged me tightly. "Maybe when you throw your housewarming party, then that will change. You might find someone--"

"I'm taking a break from boys. Completely. In fact …" I responded, walking into my room and bringing out the jewelry box. "I want to get rid of Noah completely." I pulled out the plane ticket to Cuba.

"What's that?" Jennifer looked at me wide-eyed.

"Just a ticket for a vacation that I will _not _be taking with Noah. I was going to go on a spring break getaway with him in April, but now that's all over." I started to rip up the paper.

"Wait. Hold onto it. You might be able to ebay it or trade it in for a ticket to Hawaii with me, Sugani, and Francisco."

"Francisco?" I wondered, not able to hold back my surprise. "Are they official."

"Not yet."

* * *

---

I don't know why Jennifer's words of 'not yet' made me feel sick to my stomach and I couldn't think about how everything had been bothering me. I could always try thinking about something else, like cheerleading but … Cheer practice was a bore now that Miranda backed down and Kate wasn't there to challenge me and I felt kind of distanced from Sugani and Francisco.

I didn't want to hear them give me the lecture on how I was so wrong about Noah. They wouldn't get it and I was in no mood to hear them tell me how stupid I had been.

Like I didn't know this. Noah and I were "stupid" … we wouldn't make sense to anyone else but ourselves and I once liked having a secret this big. This was the most exciting thing I had done for myself and it had completely backfired.

For now, I just needed to find someone to take me to the party, someone really really yummy. Francisco was my first choice and since Sugani hadn't told me anything about them being official, to me he was fair game.

"You in here?" I pounded on the outside door of the locker room before letting myself in. I wasn't prepared for what I was going to see … Noah and Francisco were sitting down chatting. I took a deep breath and prayed that this would go my way. "Que pasa?"

"Nada. Y tu?" Francisco responded immediately.

"Hey Claire." Noah chimed in, but I ignored him and kept speaking in Spanish. I knew he wouldn't get it. He was studying Japanese.

"Tengo una pregunta importante para ti y no puedes negarme." I demanded, bascially telling Francisco that he owed me one.

"Dimelo y voy a pensarlo." He answered as Noah spoke up again.

"English?"

"Mi fiesta es por la próxima semana y no tengo nadie ir conmigo. Yo sé que no somos…juntados pero … vas conmigo, por favor?" I begged Francisco to be my "date" for the party. I had to say it in Spanish until I got a response, just in case he would say no … in front of Noah. "Por favor?"

"Yes. Of course I'll go with you." He responded as I giggled happily.

"Really?" I wrapped my arms around him, looking as seductively as possible, to piss Noah off. "My party's going to be amazing." I promised.

"What party?" Noah asked as I turned around and faced him.

He was all sweaty and muscular, looking completely sexified and I had to catch my breath in order to keep my cool.

"Oh, you haven't heard … I'm having a housewarming party for my new apartment."

"Apartment?"

"Yeah, the one my dad gave me to go along with the new Jaguar." I bragged, trying not to break down and cry. It was so hard seeing him and being so calm. I wanted to scream at him, kick him, kiss him and be completely open and honest with him … whatever that meant, but I narrowed all of these feelings down to the new materialistic things in my life, which was pretty much all I had.

"Can we talk … I've been trying to call--"

"I got a new cell phone. I'm on a plan of my own now. I wanted the new music Blackberry so I switched to Verizon." I answered, knowing that the change put us on different phone plans. He had AT&T, like I used to.

"Well can I … have your number?"

"Cute Noah. What for? Worried about what might be _kicking _around inside my body?"

"No. I'm worried about … I can't do this in front of him. Can we?"

"Step into the shower together." I smirked, grinning at Noah's grimace. "No thanks. Not good for the … you know." Francisco left the two of us alone and I started to leave as well.

"No wait … you're not serious about that Claire. It's not possible. We didn't--"

"But we _did _act stupidly and fool around, right? It _is _possible … don't it suck thinking about it … welcome to my world."

* * *

_

The day of the party I saw Savannah, added her to my phone plan, and told her to call me anytime she wanted to. I barely had time to get ready for the night, but I didn't need to do much prepping. My new hairstyle would speak for itself, a short shoulder-length blunt cut with a printed tube maxi dress.

After the first few guests arrived, I started to grow anxious about how my friends, my _real _friends would react to me and the place. The arrival of Sugani completely removed any doubts that I might have had. She hugged me, told me I looked wonderful and Jen kept gushing about how proud _and_ jealous she was of me.

Francisco had been there since the beginning, but I didn't have anything to say to him. I didn't want to explain the Noah locker room scene and felt no reason to since he was keeping things from me as well. I found him hanging out in the kitchen and brought him out into the living room.

"How's everything going?"

"Perfectly. No drama." I admitted as he smiled. I brought him over to Jen and Sugani, who had been asking about him. When Sugani saw my arm wrapped in his, I swear that her heart dropped.

"How long have you been here?"

"A while. I'm escorting Claire--"

"You're _what_?"

"I asked him to be my date." I stepped in, waiting to see just how much these two "liked" each other. "It's really not a big deal unless… you like him."

"Would I bring Noah here with me today?"

"You're free to do that. I'm not anything to Noah." I admitted with a shrug.

"You came here with her?" Sugani turned her attention back to Francisco.

"Yeah, she's my friend."

"But I asked you to go."

"After she did." I watched them go back and forth amused. I knew that this was evil, what I was doing, but I remembered why Kate and I used to torture people. It was easy and fun.

"I didn't _think _that it would matter." Sugani responded.

"Why would it not matter … you're not seeing each other are you?" I offered.

"It shouldn't matter." Sugani argued.

"But it does to you." He responded.

"Come on guys. Let's talk about something else. Who cares who comes with whom? The fun part is whom leaves with whom." I smiled. I knew she was going to act this way and I had a plan in store for her to kind of teach her a lesson. Friends first. Sugani didn't get that. I had to remind her.

"Shut up Claire."

"I'm trying to help you out girlie."

"Don't. Don't worry about me and Francisco … worry about your child molesting mom." Sugani shot back painfully.

"Looks like you're being misinformed." I kept my cool. No evidence meant that it was just a rumor.

"I don't think so. Kate told me this one." Francisco and Jennifer looked to me for answers and I struggled to keep my expression emotionless.

"Kate doesn't know shit and you're just pissed because I got Francisco to come here with me, but you're the one who didn't have the balls to say shit to me about your little romance. After _everything _that happened between us." I accused her. Part if the first lesson, make her feel guilty.

"Yeah, if you have any questions just ask Francisco." I continued, turning the tables back on him, treating Sugani like an enemy for no reason. I couldn't stop it. Before things could get nastier, the doorbell rang. "I'll get it." I turned on my heel before the tears could start.

It was Kate at my door. I almost slammed it until … I saw Noah behind her. I didn't want to hear what Kate would say. I knew what kind of shit she would pull. I just wanted to wrap myself in him and hide from my world which was about to be turned upside down _again_.

"Don't say a word. Just kiss me." I choked out, already crying. I allowed myself to be half-dragged back into the house and spent the whole night with him and drowning out everything else. When the last guest left, Noah stayed with me.

"Can we finally talk?"

"What's there to say? I lied about the pregnant thing because I was pissed off about your racist mom and I'm completely stupid for still wanting to you after you backed down to her like a little bitch--"

"What makes you think that I didn't say anything to her? I did. I swear. And I'll tell her again with you with me if that's what you want." He offered sincerely.

"About that … tonight doesn't mean that we're back together. Let's just---"

"Give me this weekend to … prove it to you, to prove myself worthy." Noah requested as I shrugged and nodded. A little company over here is just what I needed.

"I don't want a relationship with you." I whispered making sure that I looked Noah in the eye when I said this. It would make things more real. "I don't want anything from you."

"You're lying." Noah stroked my hair which moved onto my face which moved onto another kissing match.

"This … doesn't … change anything." I got out in between kisses.

* * *

----

Monday morning at school was even more dreadful than normal. I wondered what had made it to the rumor mill about me. I had texted Sugani this morning to apologize and tell her that it's okay if she likes Francisco, but I might have ruined that forever too.

I actually never got around to sending the text message, but I sent something to Francisco instead … about other things. If Sugani was mad about this then she'd never forgive me anyway and I might as well go on with the plan, right?

As I headed for my first period gym class on "C" day, I was happy to hide my fears behind in a bikini. At least I would look fabulous when the shit fell from the fan. I took the back way into the pool area, with my unofficial uniform on.

Opening the doors was complete torture. Everyone was already staring at me, but it wasn't with the usual giggles and whispering that let you know that the joke was on you, they were smiling. I suspiciously walked to the bleachers and put my bag down and that's where I saw it … the message in the pool with candles on rose pedals spelling out the question 'Will you be my girlfriend?'

I tried to ignore it and tried not to react. How many chances should you give someone until you call it quits? Until it's over? Does the three strikes rule apply to love and does that include the time when you fuck up too?

I tore my cheerleading tee off to reveal a bright orange halter bikini, that got a round of approval from the boys in my class, even if I didn't have big Kate-boobs. I noticed that the cheering didn't stop and looked up to see Noah standing in front of me, with a microphone.

"Claire, will you be my girlfriend and go with me to prom and on spring break and--"

"Are you kidding?" I wondered, my voice echoing through the microphone that had been rigged to transmit through the entire school.

"I'm not. I want everyone to know that I, Noah DiAngelo am enamored with Claire Miller and I don't care that color she is or what her religion is or anything. I want her to know that I love her and I can't hide it anymore."

"Are you serious?" My question came out, muffled between tears and the heightened emotions of happiness I was feeling. "Are you serious?"

"Yes." I hugged Noah and allow myself to cry in front of everyone and be completely vulnerable. At that moment I didn't care. All I could see was the beginning of a real future that had nothing to do with the politics of high school, but with me and my happiness.

* * *

Well, ideally that would have happened … if I was like Hilary Duff in A Cinderella Story but the real story was that I got my period so no one got to see that orange bikini. In regards to Fransciso, I ended up going to the prom with him as planned, but it sucked because Sugani with Noah which completely threw everything off.

I thought about how to handle this situation properly, I mean at least I knew Kate was banned from this place, but I never thought that Sugani would have so many Kate-like tendencies.

"You can't be mad at her though." Jen explained to me as we stood around at the prom 'dancing'. "I mean you said you were going to let her have him and then you changed your mind at the last second."

"He's my friend. I'm allowed to do that. I met him first, I introduced him to everyone … but I'm the one who sucks now?"

"Everyone doesn't think that, just Sugani."

"Well I'm not apologizing to anyone. I don't apologize."

"I'm not asking you to." She sighed. "But Claire I'm really tired of walking back and forth between tables and trying not to betray Sugani by telling her what you said or vice versa."

"Do whatever you want." I sighed, waiting for this thing to be over. They made a final call for Prom Queen ballots, but I didn't even flinch. I remembered when Kate and I stuffed the ballots last year so that she was senior prom queen and I was junior prom queen and even though we were both sophomores, we got it.

Now, it just seemed so stupid. Every time I danced with Francisco, I got glared at so I eventually let him go and mingle. At this point I was really wishing that I had taken Raven up on her idea to spike the punch. At least alcohol would allow me to create fun out of nothing.

"And now for your 2006 Junior Prom Queen and King … Claire Miller and …Francisco Valiera!" The announcement was made and I gracefully made my walk to the stage, putting on a show and pretending to be happy.

I watched from the stage as Sugani looked at me sadly once Francisco and I hugged each other happily. He rested his arm around my waist as we waited to be crowned. The old Claire would put a couple of tons of salt into the wound. The old Claire would have started making out with Francisco fiercely on the stage. What would the new Claire do? I wasn't sure.

This moment should have been glorious for me. It should have been perfect. It was everything I had worked for this year, even if I had only admitted it to myself just recently. I smiled and told myself to think happy and I would be happy, but the reality part had already bitten me in the ass.

When it was time to give my acceptance speech I knew exactly what to say.

"Thank you everyone for voting for me. We all know that I've gone from ice queen bitch to just a normal girl this year but I don't think that makes me any more royal than any of you. In fact I can think of someone who deserves to be up here with her king and have the final dance of the night." I began. "Sugani, get your know-it-all ass up here."

I helped her onto the stage, but declined to give her my crown. I earned it.

After the whole Mean Girls revival, which I had so not planned on doing tonight, prom was donezo for me. Soon the seniors would be graduating and then another year and it would be my turn.

"What you did out there was really unlike you." Apparently Noah had followed me out of the gym.

"You're right … I should've called the bitch up there and ripped the hell out of her dress … or tripped her right off the stage."

"It's four feet off the ground." Noah argued.

"She's a cheerleader. We're used to having to fly." I countered jokingly, even though the thought of getting back at Gani had crossed my mind many times tonight.

"You kept the crown." He noticed.

"Now I deserved that part. She may deserve to be with Francisco but I deserve to be royalty." I added with a smile.

"Claire …. I should've said this to you a while ago and last time I don't think you got it … everything you did with my mom was justified. She's a really closed-minded, judgmental woman, and I've already told her that."

"I know this already. She's your mom and I don't want you to have to choose. So now you don't have to." I responded, secretly scared that he wouldn't choose me.

"It's too late. I told her that she's going to have to get used to you because you'll be coming over more often."

"That's a pretty confident statement for a girlfriendless boy." I smirked.

"Wait. You mean--"

"It's not that easy Noah."

"But I--"

"You don't have to say anything."

"I want to. I'm not giving up on you Claire. I'll keep at it until I get you back." Noah promised.

"Good luck with that." I gave him a quick hug and then smiled at him playfully. I really did want him, but now was bad … really bad. I was going to therapy, about to become a senior, going to possibly find a job … yeah I'd be way too busy.

"Where are you going?"

"Home."

"Can I join you?" Noah asked pathetically.

I shrugged. "Just don't think you're getting some on prom night … at least not from me."

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(A/N: My first completed Lizzie fic. Yeah! Please review. Hope you liked it. I know it's a little corny, but I had to end it otherwise it would keep going on and on. –NL)

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